December 1, 2012 · 4 comments

I’m tired. I can’t seem to pull myself out of this funk and I feel crummy. (I feel like George Bailey when he learns he has to stay working at the bank when his brother gets married)

I have the usual laundry list of ailments; at the top is fatigue. Not just tired, but deep down tired. It’s making me sad, too. I have things to DO, projects to complete, shopping, decorating, etc.

There’s a woman I know who has the energy of a Tasmanian devil…she puts up her own lights, refinished her wood floors, just goes non-stop. I used to have crazy energy like that. I used to get so much done!! I know, I know. I’m fighting cancer, my body is working hard on the inside. I get that. But it’s like a switch was flipped. I have nothing. No energy, but more importantly, I have no desire. I have had a hard time this week..not feeling well, but mostly not being able to even fake it until I make it. I’m sure it’s just a phase, but I am just so tired. Add to that a little family drama and I’m tired.

Of course I want to pull myself out of this for my family and friends. For me.

I just don’t know how to.

And I can’t keep waiting for the next thing…maybe once I finish one med or once I get my scans. I’m always going to have cancer, be fighting cancer or waiting for a scan to show NED. The new normal I suppose.

In the meantime, it’s my favorite time of year and I really want to enjoy it…I just don’t know how….

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

cindy w December 1, 2012 at 10:09 pm

Sorry, lady. Take it easy on yourself. XOXO


PsychMamma December 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

Oh, friend. My heart is hurting for you. I wish there was something I could say or do to help. Sending you love & light & peace & hugs. Maybe a FL trip would help… xox


Amanda December 1, 2012 at 11:17 pm

Big hugs.


Ryan December 2, 2012 at 3:55 am

I feel your frustration cuz. Here is my solution to enjoying the holidays. Every time you feel overwhelmed, beat down, and frustrated; remember the following: your 6’3″ 225 pound collegiate athlete, firefighter cousin, who has the hiccups compared to what you’re going through, has been bitching and whining like a 12 year old girl for the last 5 year’s. While he has been doing this, he has watched his cousin Dawn deal with her cancer with a grace, positivity, and a STRENGTH he could only wish he had. Also he respects and loves you more than you’ll ever know. He is also pretty sure that despite all of your ailments, you could whoop his ass. You’re a badass cuz and you know I’m always here for ya. I’ll always be in your corner champ. Keep swinging and fighting but always remember that even the baddest dudes have to sit down and rest between rounds.
P.S. sorry about the awful punctuation, I clearly am not smarter than a fifth grader. However, it is almost 4 in the morning, maybe that’s the problem. HA, love ya.


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