With tears and love

We got Riley as a 7-week old puppy from the humane society in February of 1994. He was the only light-colored among his siblings of black. I fell in love immediately. He was, as most puppies are, a little troublemaker. He got his first name, Poop Dog, because for awhile there, every single time we let him out, he would poop. Every time.

When he was still young, probably a bit before this picture, we came home to hear him whining and barking. We looked around and finally found him in our bedroom on top of the heat vent. At first, I didn’t know what he was doing, then we realized that his tag was stuck in the vent! He had apparently flopped right down on the vent to get warm, but his tag must have twisted and then he couldn’t get out. He has avoided floor heat vents ever since.

Riley as a pup – No, I wasn’t playing in the mud!

Sometimes he would get right under the middle of our bed, completely out of reach and bark. And he loved to run. We couldn’t take him anywhere without his leash or he would be off exploring on his own. There was a middle school behind our house and Mike would take him to the football field and let him run and run and run.

Big ears, you know you’re the one

No matter where the pillow, you would find my dog on it. Most often, he would be right above my head. Aside from the massive amount of fuzzy white dog hair everywhere, I never minded it. He would even sleep on the pillows when he went to my mom’s to stay!

For awhile, he would hide in our walk-in closet from loud noises – you know, fireworks, chopping onions…the usual. 🙂

Every Christmas since he was a puppy, we would buy him a stocking full of toys. He would pull them all out and immediately pull the stuffing out of the stuffed toys.

This is a recent picture. For the past month or more, he’s done nothing but sleep on this chair or another. Still supremely squishable and sweet and soft though.

He always loved going on walks. Until he lost his hearing, we were actually still spelling the word walk, otherwise he would come running with high expectations.

He could hear the sound of Velveeta or Kraft cheese slices opening from anywhere in the house, during the deepest of sleep.

He never once took issue with the boys. From the first day Matt came home through the days of laying on him and pulling his tail, Riley was never bothered. He always had much more patience for the boys than he ever did for us. And I love that.

Before we had kids, I took him with me most anywhere I would go. He loved riding in the car. Once the boys came along, it was a little harder to juggle them and the dog, but I still tried. He, of course, was my first baby. I can’t believe I have to say goodbye.

I’ve been on the edge all day. It was around midnight last night that we decided it was finally, really time. Mike and I talked it over while we were cleaning up more messes of his – all over the kitchen floor. He can’t seem to really control his bowels anymore, and he can’t seem to remember why he goes outside. He would never go out in the rain or snow; now he stands out in either, looking lost and confused. His hips barely hold him up and we’re running out of things he will actually eat. He stopped eating dog food so long ago, and now he’s not interested in steak or cheese or even noodles that he’s always loved. I hate this. I feel like we’re giving up on him, but I don’t know what else to do.

He still looks at me with those big brown eyes. He’s so soft and sweet and when I hug and squish him and he licks me, I can’t imagine my heart can break any more.

This time tomorrow, my dorkdog will live only in our hearts and memories and I can’t believe I have to do this.

This sucks. How am I going to look at his chair without him there? Oh, my Fooby. Da Foobs. Foobity-Doobity. My dorkdog. We were just kids when we brought you home, playing house, freshly married…I knew you wouldn’t live forever, but shit! Why does it have to be so hard to let you go? In the spring, we’ll plant a tree in your honor, and spread your ashes where you loved to play and run. You’ll always be in my heart.

Someone, please give me strength to get through the day tomorrow. And the day after that…