I need a break and I’m taking one.

Unplugging, logging out of Yahoo Messenger, letting my phone go to voicemail, ignoring my work email.

I need a break. I’m taking the next week to be with my family; to spend my energy on enjoying these last few days before Christmas and Christmas day. To refocus and refresh.  To move on.

My mind races with a thousand questions and no answers. I’m scared and mad and my stomach hurts.

And that is the story of my day.

Tuesday? You better try harder than your pal Monday.

Work woes coupled with cancer woes added to the fact that I can’t help with the boys.

The fact that I can’t roll around and laugh and giggle and tickle my babies is hurting me, but at least I get to watch them do that with their daddy.

The fact that when they yell because they need something, they automatically yell for daddy now, hurts a hell of a lot more than I thought it would.  The simple fact that I can’t get my baby the juice he wants or the ketchup he needs or whatever is breaking my heart into a million pieces.

Then there is work – my business, the business that I fell into but took over fully as my own, that has slipped into this long-lasting economic downturn resulting in me having to make some changes. Changes that would be so much easier if *I* could go in and work.  If I could work the floor and reduce payroll that way…But I can’t.  I’m stuck on my couch for now and then who knows for how long once whatever treatment I have to do starts. I’m praying for a fairy godfather to bestow some cash upon me to keep from bobbing under the water…but until that happens, changes have to be made.

All this to say that I’ve done the ugly cry (made uglier by being sick) a number of times today and it’s been rough.

Here are the things that I need to do:

1. Make more Eyeglass Chains for work (beaded, plus explore fabric options with beads?)
2. Finish Office Patient Satisfaction Survey for website
3. Finish summer fall patient newsletter
4. Misc work crap (receivables, insurance claims, pay bills, handle rejections, misc. paperwork,inventory)
5. Laundry

(4 out of 5 things can actually be done sitting on the couch where I am…)

Here are the things I want to do:

1. Nothing
2. read
3. watch mindless tv
4. eat ice cream
5. nap
6. watch the clouds drift by

Molly is coming tomorrow, so I technically have one more day, but I realize I should be up and around more, so tomorrow is as good a time as any, I guess.  I’m scared to push myself too fast, but today I went until a couple of hours ago without a pain pill, so I think that’s a good sign.  The very worst part is that my upper incision prevents me from bending at the waist, which I tend to forget until I try and then OUCH.

(Don’t you like how instead of doing ANY of my list, I’m spending time blogging? hehe)

Currently sitting at the vet’s office, waiting for my dog to puke. Yes, that is as much fun as it sounds!

Daisy decided that today would be the day to finish off the Easter candy that has been on the counter since, well, Easter. I’ve been meaning to toss it, since the kids seem over the mess of chocolate eggs, peanut butter filled chocolate bunnies, Cadbury Eggs and M&Ms. No need to throw it away now!!

The vet came out with an update: “Well, daisy threw up. A LOT.” LOL!!

So now she has to sit for about 10-15 more minutes in hopes that the stuff (and chocolate) is out of her system. Whoo-hoo!!!

Today is my day to work at the office. It is my one super-duper, get all sorts of things done day. In fact, it is a bit of a game for me, seeing how much I can accomplish in the few hours that P is with Molly. Yes, I’m strange, but I totally get off on accomplishing stuff!

I started out heading to kohls for a shirt and tie for Matt to wear to his concert tomorrow night.(Squee! How cute will he be? And it was his idea!!) And I ended up here. I have not been to the office yet. I left my house over 3 hours ago! My vet doesn’t have wifi and my work requires access to my office computer, so I’m getting nothing done. I am at home 6 out of 7 days, not being very productive. I guess this week it’ll be 7!

I suppose there is a chance I could still be productive today, but it’s certainly not going to be easy since I have to watch the dog for signs of adverse chocolate reactions!!

$84 Later:

Arrived home to utter silence, so I had myself some lunch.  I was considering a nap, but then Molly & Preston came home from their adventure to the library and figured I’d better head to work.

Work, which is generally my chance to breathe and be me for awhile, was not nearly as productive as I wanted it to be.  I mean whose idea was it to do inventory anyway!? Oh, wait, that’d be me….Well, we have some glitches to work out – and today was spent doing a physical inventory and fixing the computer numbers. By the time I was rushing home (to the worry of one of the cats missing), I felt like I hadn’t gotten anything accomplished AT ALL.

A quick dinner and now it’s time for the boys to go to bed. After some book reading, I’ll be getting back on the computer to get the rest of my day’s work in.