As in ‘fairly good news’ from my surgeon and the pathology department. Fairly good.

Fairly good.

Better than ‘not so good’ or ‘not good at all’ or ‘bad’.

Fairly good.

What that means, in real life, is that one of the 6 nodes that they removed in this latest surgery had a small amount of tumor in it. One out of six.  So yes, fairly good.

But not really good.  Or great.

So we have an appointment scheduled with the medical oncology doctor on the 13th to find out exactly what our next steps are.  Not sure if it will still be interferon, or if it will be something else. Wait and see, as usual, I guess.

In the meantime, I will get better, get stronger, and be ready to kick the rest of this cancer’s ass out of my body. (which sounds really strange when I write it that way, but you know what I mean, right?!)

Ok, so my surgery has been scheduled for 11am tomorrow (with us at the hospital by 9am).  Hopefully the earlier surgery means that we will be home at a fairly decent hour tomorrow (I want to be home to recover, not in the hospital!).

I appreciate all good thoughts, juju, mojo, prayers, whatever you’re willing to send out into the universe for me!

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Matt went to the doctor this morning – they prescribed a short dose of steroid to get him out of this croupy cough. It will sure be nice to not wake up the sound of a seal barking him coughing.

Preston has a cold, but is still in good spirits, though I can tell he’s sick mostly by his desire to relax in the middle of the day! lol

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Today I will make sure the house is somewhat clean, the laundry done and my work caught up as much as possible. Tonight, I will take a shower with Dial (oh, the dry!) and repeat in the morning (seriously, oh, the dry!). No more eating after midnight, no more water after 7am.  My dog will be going on a short vacation (to avoid the ever popular jumping all over me issue), and my mom is coming to take care of my boys and is bringing her famous chicken noodle soup.  I have magazines, puzzle books, Alias & Mad Men on my phone, Glee on my DVR, and my laptop.  I think I’m ready for recovery, just have to get through the damn surgery first!!

Matt, who has been suffering from a croupy cough since Thursday night, woke us up at 6:30 this morning. SUNDAY MORNING. Preston was about about an hour and a half later (though he had been up all night with teh sick).

It’s only 11:30 and Mike just said, man, this is going to be a long day. I believe he’s right.  I should be thankful, it gives me a great opportunity to get things accomplished. The problem? Getting up at 6:30 makes me want to accomplish a nap, not work or laundry or cleaning.  I’ve done a few things so far, but damn if I just don’t feel for any of it today!

We were supposed to take the boys bowling this morning with the neighbors (canceled due to teh sick) and then go golfing tomorrow while they were at school (canceled due to teh sick and crappy expected weather). The very things that were supposed to make today and tomorrow fly by are no longer happening.

Instead, the boys are about to build a train track, Mike is watching tv, and I am probably going to get some work done. Oh, and the dreaded laundry.  Maybe we’ll attempt some fresh air and a lawn mowing later, who knows.Either way, getting up at 6:30 on a Sunday morning sucks.

EDITED@12:15….Mom called and wants to go to IKEA…guess I have something to do to waste time today after all!

I told my melanoma story at least 5 times over the weekend at my mom’s surprise birthday party…people who care about me and wanted more details, more answers. By the last time, talking to my Godmother who has known and loved me my entire life, my stomach started to hurt.

It’s probably dumb, but it’s like the more people in real life that know, the more real, the more serious it seems. (not that I was thinking it wasn’t serious, just that I was able to kind of fool myself a little more when everyone wasn’t looking at me with THAT look. You know, the one of fear, sadness, horror?)

Here’s the thing…I’m fighting this melanoma … This cancer. I’m letting one of the nation’s top melanoma centers take care of me, trusting my doctors and my gut. And I will prevail. Yes, it might come back. But I’ll get regular skin checks and scans and if it does, I’ll fight it again.

There are three guys in my life that I’m not done with yet; I have too much love to give, too many lessons to teach (and learn) and way too many hugs left in me to be going anywhere. Screw that.

But this waiting? For the freaking birds!! I want to be done, moving on to the next step! One more week and I’ll have surgery; two weeks after that I’ll meet with the medical oncologist and hopefully soon thereafter will start drug treatment (after which, btw, I will be absurdly well rested and svelte! Hehe )

In the meantime, the waiting is being punctuated with times of inability to get anything accomplished. Moments of not knowing what I’m supposed to be doing. Moments of sheer panic about the things I haven’t gotten done yet followed by moments of having no clue how to get it all done. Worrying about how bad recovery will be, grossed out at the thought of a drainage tube, hoping my boys don’t start seeing me as Sick.

The waiting sucks.