Actually, I don’t remember much of the week…I begged let them drug me up pretty well because of the constant sickness.  I remember seeing the boys and them having to leave because I was entering chill mode; I remember Shine bringing me a Slurpee like the awesome friend she is, and I remember my mom and brother coming. And then my mom and mil came and spent the night.  Pretty sure I thought I was done for at that point.

Anyway, it sucked. I was able to get 6 more treatments, which made Dr. L happy.  (Pretty sure I told him I didn’t like him very much at one point as well) and at the end of June I’ll have another PET scan to see what kind of progress was made (there had to have been some, because I’ll be damned if I went through that for nothing!) There are many variables that will determine what the next plan of action is, so in the meantime, I’m going to heal and rest and enjoy not being in the hospital.

It’s kind of hard to be home because I seem all better, but I’m not – I mean, this time I feel a lot better than the last recovery week (turns out I probably had the flu last time) – but there are still so many little things that add up to be so very annoying. Just for fun…mouth sores, sore throat, crazy cough, reflux with the only symptom being the feeling that something is stuck in my throat, itchy skin everywhere, super dry skin around eyes, dry mouth, swelling, appetite changes, exhaustion…well, you get the idea.  The IL2 is still in me, so as it works its way out, these symptoms will fade. But in the meantime, GAH! And UGH!

I so very much just want to be better for my boys. I know they’re tired of seeing me sick all the time and I don’t blame them. I literally went from supermom to bedmom within days and I know it’s hard on them. It’s hard on me too.  It’s hard not to get so very angry at so many things right now.

But it won’t help, so I’m focusing on breathing and healing and (scratching…oh my goodness the scratching…) and getting through this.

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PS: A friend of mine posted this on Facebook – take a few minutes and watch it – then share it.

 Dear 16 Year Old Me

Days 3 and 4 got worse each day. I couldn’t eat on Wednesday, which made the treatments even harder, I think. I’ve never been good with a lot of medication, and especially not on an empty stomach. I was nauseous and needed the bathroom a lot. The itching wasn’t too bad, but the stomach issues made everything seem a LOT worse.

I was sent home Friday morning after receiving a total of 9 doses of the IL-2. My doctor was very pleased.  I was really thinking that the recovery was going to be super smooth.

HA!

I’ve been in bed ALL WEEK. What started and continued as exhaustion and nausea, turned into the flu and then a nasty cough later this week. I cannot believe how much I’ve been sleeping!

We spent 4 hours at the ER yesterday to find out that I, indeed, did have a cough. I was prescribed antibiotics and cough meds. This afternoon I called my doctor and told him that I wouldn’t be taking those. I’m so sick of being sick to my stomach.  I need a couple of days of NO meds before I start again on Monday.

Tomorrow is the boys’ opening day for baseball and I fully intend on being there, at least for their games.

Maybe my expectations were way too high, so the week I’m home after the next dose, I’m PLANNING on being in bed the whole week. That way, if I’m better, we’ll all be pleasantly surprised.

Mike has been continuously amazing and giving and selfless. He’s running himself ragged and it breaks my heart (even though I know it’s ok, it still upsets me).  Our moms have been wonderful, especially with helping with the boys and cleaning up the house for us.  Between them and all of the text, dms, fb messages and emails, we are so very thankful.

The boys are doing well – they are understanding and so good with this whole thing. I’ll miss them terribly again next week, but I know they’re in the right hands with their dad.

Now….to get through the next two days without dread or sickness….

Last night, he couldn’t get up off of the couch or back on the couch after going to the bathroom and he was walking on his tip-toes to get around while using the death grip on our hands.

By the end of today? He’s standing, sitting, kneeling down for things, getting on and off the couch on his own and playing with the neighbors!! It’s obvious he’s still in pain, and I fully expect that, but the turn around from yesterday to today has been fabulous!

Of course, I’m totally worried about him overdoing it, especially since there’s just a tiny little steri-strip over his incision.

I’m thrilled that he’s doing so well.  I’m a little concerned that I’ll need to stay home on Monday since he has trouble leaning over to pull up his shorts, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

In the meantime, I’m relieved my baby is smiling and laughing again.

I started yesterday wearing my sexay compression stocking. Very snug but not too bad…until today that is. Today, after I had been walking around the house, cleaning up a bit, it started to bug me. Upon further inspection, it had slipped down my leg and was bunched around my knee. Huh.  Not going to stop a lot of swelling if it doesn’t stay up, now will it?! I obviously either didn’t have it up high enough (yes, it’s a thigh high) or it’s really not the right size.  Although, my upper inner thigh IS still fairly swollen, so that may have something to do with it.  Either way, pain in the arse!

The boys had their last soccer game today. It was windy and cold and I’m pretty sure the parents were more excited for the end of the season than the kids were!  When we got home, I put together all the pictures from the season and I’m going to order a photo book.  Normally, I would have made a scrapbook album, but apparently life has made other plans for my time and the photo books ARE super easy and inexpensive!

I’m working on the photo books for the grandparents as well.  Last year was the first year, so I did Birth to 5 for Matt and Birth to 3 for Preston.  This year I am doing one book of both of them, September of last year to August of this year (after birthdays to birthdays).  The crappy part is that sometime in March of this year, I lost a BUNCH of pictures from my computer.  I have no idea how, if it was one of the boys or just a glitch or if I did it accidentally, but either way, I am missing photos from October 4th through February 8th.  Which means that, especially since my memory SUCKS, I basically lost 4+ months of memories of my boys’ lives.  NICE. Also, it makes it hard to make a complete book with CHRISTMAS AND HALLOWEEN missing!! GAH.  Am trying a recovery, but last time it didn’t work; crossing fingers for better luck this time around.

Tomorrow we’re heading to the pumpkin patch and hopefully throwing some Halloween decorations up around the house.  I’m so behind because of my surgery and recovery it’s crazy…not to mention that Preston’s costume is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being completed (spray paint FAIL)! ARGH….

Hopefully I will be posting some happy fall pictures of mah boys tomorrow…until then! xoxo

What’s that? I don’t have a choice on the cancer thing?  Oh, alright.  But I AM done with the rest.

Fingers crossed, tubey comes out tomorrow along with the remaining 4 staples.  My drainage is almost at the right spot, but moreso, they don’t want to leave it in much longer time wise, so tomorrow we head to U of M Cancer Center again and hopefully leave some things behind.

I still have my MRI & CAT scans to do, but once those are done and checked out, I’m hoping for at least a few month reprieve from that part of Ann Arbor.

The numbness in my leg is getting better and I am definitely walking a lot better, with less of a limp.

Tomorrow I will find out my next steps in the process of taking care of myself.  I want to be able to drive, to go on walks, to play with my Wii Fit and EA Active; I want to be able to clean the house (oh my GAH, the vacuuming that needs to be done!), I want to go to TARGET (oh, how I have missed thee!).  I want to be able to run upstairs to the boys when the yell (well, not really, it would be so much better if they just didn’t do that!). I want to get back to living the life I know, albeit a little more cautiously with regard to that big yellow thing in the sky.

I’m doing research and looking into specialized supplements and diets and such for cancer (let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions).  Since I don’t need additional treatment right now, I’m not looking for alternatives to that, I’m just curious.  Besides, if eating say, 27 red skittles a day might help keep it from coming back, I’d be silly not to try it, right?

Mike is going back to work on November 2nd; I’ll probably start going back into the office for a couple hours a day next week.  I’m sure a good amount of my time will still need to be with my leg elevated for awhile each day, so I’m going to take it slow.  Besides, I’m not so much looking forward to going into work, what with how slow it is and all the changes I’ve had to make, but I know I need to Captain the Ship, so to speak.

This weekend should bring a trip to the pumpkin patch, the last soccer game and putting up halloween decorations (SO far behind!).  I’m looking forward to a life more ordinary.