Welcome to my life..my family..my world..unedited.

I love that my boys are older and we don’t have to leave the house with 437 pounds of crap to go out for an hour. I love not having a diaper bag, formula, food, toys, clothes, blankets and all of the other junk that goes hand in hand with infants. Preston still has no interest in wearing underwear, so we do still have diapers and while it’s annoying, so is potty training, so I’m ambivalent right now.
Matt had his first concert last night – he wore a shirt and tie at his own request and looked so damn grown up that I could have cried and signed him up for prep school at the same time. Preston is counting and talking so well and knows all his colors and is doing great with his letters; ready for preschool in the fall (you know, if he decides to use the toilet before then). Rarely do either of them sleep silently through the night (unless they are both in the big bed), but for the most part, they are fantastic, independent little boys.
And everybody still wants to know when we’re going to try for a little girl.
We blow them off, …

First and foremost, please send your thoughts and prayers out to Maddie and her mama and daddy tonight…Maddie is in the hospital and had to be intubated…PLEASE go here and read about sweet little Maddie. And then, while you’re thinking about it, DONATE to the March of Dimes in Maddie’s name. (I did!)

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Matt’s been having these major meltdowns lately, right around dinner time.  Tonight he got put in a time out, then taken to his room, then had video games and books taken away. After another round of him screaming that his dad was being “mean” to him, I went and had a little chat with him. I took the time and explained all those things we do as parents: how he gets a time out so he gets a chance to think and slow down; how we do it to make it better for all of us, why I like us to sit down and have dinner together… He finally acquiesced; finally accepted that we weren’t being mean to him for spite.  The worst part? As soon as I told him we would never do anything intentionally mean to him I couldn’t help but think …

Matthew is 5 years old and by all accounts, a typical 5 year old.  He screams loud enough to break glass with excitement, he jumps, runs and races about 88% of the time that he is awake (and at home).  He is apparently an absolute angel at school (and yes, I have requested that his teacher send that boy home from time to time). He is smart (reading at well above a 1st grade level already) and inquisitive and pretty damn cute.
But lately, I don’t feel as connected to him as I used to. He’s my first born; my baby. But lately I seem to be yelling at him, insisting he move faster, get dressed, hurry up and eat, do this, do that, stop this, stop that. And I don’t like it.
He is very independent and grown up for his age, and I like that about him (I have always been very independent, since probably right around or right before his age and I think it’s a good thing). I probably see him as bigger than he is sometimes, and I’m certain that it’s easy to forget that he’s only FIVE.  The way he carries himself, some of the things …

THAT didn’t go well.
Preston woke up around 1am (we were still awake, reading in bed). He’d had some kind of bad dream, came to our bed doing that heartbreaking cry. We get him all settled in and he starts to fall asleep.
Then he wakes with a start and starts crying for the juice. CRYING. As if he’d just lost his best friend crying. You know, that cry – the one that breaks your heart? Yeah.
For whatever reason, him just sobbing like that, even though it was for JUICE for goodness sake, got to me. My throat got all lumpy and the tears came. There really isn’t anything worse as a mother than the inability to soothe or fix your child.
And crying it out is supposed to be done in a room far away, where I can ignore it, not right next to me, where he’s putting his soft little hand on my arm and pleading for me to get him the only thing he wants!!
So Mike got him some juice (and then reproached me for not being able to let him cry) after about 15 minutes of that.
Preston had a horrible night. Which of course, means I did, too.  He …

Seriously, we’ve been totally lazy about Matt getting out of his night diaper. Yes, he’s almost 4 and a half.  But really? YOU have 2 boys that don’t sleep for crap the first 2 years of their lives and see how excited you get about waking him up to pee all night long!  hehe  :DReally, though – how did you do it?  I am SO sick of diapers and am {almost} looking forward to Preston using the toilet instead of a diaper – especially at night!  Preston is getting closer – he is starting to complain every time he pees that he needs a diaper, so maybe with his brother wearing underwear, he’ll start a little sooner.So give me your potty stories – help a sistah out, yo!