Tonight, when we were eating dinner (nothing fancy, just grilled pork loin and mashed potatoes), Preston looked at me and said “Isn’t this a great dinner? What a good day!”

I smiled and agreed, but I was still coming down from a somewhat icky day at work, so I didn’t really mean it as much as he did.

After dinner, we all went for a walk together around the neighborhood.  The temperature was perfect, the sun just setting and everyone happy from a good meal and day. The boys were taking turns walking Daisy and chatting about houses and halloween costume ideas and nothing in particular and Preston looked over at me and said “This is like the best day! Isn’t this a good day, mom?”

That time, I agreed.  And I meant it.

Parade watching

These boys…this man and these boys….they hold my heart in their very hands; they walk around with it and I am left breathless. They love and laugh; they argue and debate. They are my guys, the very loves of my life. In thick and thin, in laughter and tears, in sickness and pain, in morning and night and every moment in between.  They are mine and I am the luckiest person alive.

I left Matt’s soccer practice early tonight to go get my haircut (which I’ve been in desperate need for!).  After a frustrating time this morning and then again this evening getting them out of the house and into the car to get someplace ON TIME and not late, I was ready for the alone time.

Tonight was my “long” haircut – which means I’m usually there for a couple of hours because it’s color and cut. My stylist was running late (as usual) so I spent some quality time cleaning out my purse, catching up on Twitter and drinking my Starbucks.

It was almost 10 by the time I got home, and selfishly, I sat down to eat before going up to say goodnight to the boys (mama does enjoy hot food every once in a while you know!)

Matt was just about to get to sleep and Preston was already out.  Talking to Matt and looking at P, I decided to grab my camera.  They aren’t quiet and still often, and now I can look back days years from now and feel the same rush of love as I did tonight.  Man, do I love those boys.

If you know me at all, it’s no secret that I worry about what people think of me. Wait, maybe it is a secret…I talk big, but when it comes down to it, I’ve always been concerned with the thoughts of others.  Which in general, means that I’ve given people too much…what? Credit? (I just lost my train of thought catching up on tweets, hehe).  Anyway, gave myself too much credit, maybe.  I mean, WHY the heck would most people give a crap about me or how I look??

But recently? Even though I am the heaviest I’ve ever been? I don’t really give a shit so much.  I mean, yeah, I’m overweight, but I don’t dress like I’m a size 4 or anything.  I don’t wear revealing clothing; if my clothes cling too much, I’m totally uncomfortable, so I wear clothes that fit, but not that fit snugly. And I admit, I look at overweight women who wear those revealing outfits, those outfits that are so snug I wonder how they can breathe, and I think not why do they do that? but, wow, the confidence that person has!

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Summer is upon us here in the midwest – fiercely, at the moment.  Tomorrow promises to be 90 degrees and sunny with no wind (in other words FREAKING HOT).  Last week the boys and I hit the mall and I found an acceptable swimsuit (thank heavens for Lands End, seriously).  I bought it for our upcoming vacation, knowing the boys will want to take full advantage of the hotel pool.

Then yesterday, we got out our blow up pool to cool off.  Since it’s inflatable, we put it in our side yard, next to our driveway, so the dog doesn’t get it (Daisy LOVES the water and would puncture it immediately!).  The boys were getting in and I decided what the hell and put on my suit.  The water was icy cold, but felt fabulous.

The nice part was that I didn’t care…didn’t care about all the cars that would drive down the street and see me.  Didn’t care about the workmen painting the house across the street…didn’t care about my neighbors seeing me.

All I cared about (besides getting cool) was the laughing and splashing and smiling that I got to do with my boys because I didn’t care who saw me in my swimsuit.