It probably sounds weird for me to say that I talk to a little girl I never even met before, but I do. Not often, of course, as she’s not really mine to talk to, but when I see my little Maddie’s Monster sitting in the loft, I smile and say hi. And this week, this day and tomorrow, I tend to think of her a lot and send up little comments in my head about how much she is missed and how much her smile makes me smile every. single. time. I see it.  Mostly though, I just tell her how much she is loved and much her parents miss her.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 2 years already.  Maddie, you are missed. Your parents, though they struggle, are doing amazing things in your name (one day I’m going to meet them, I swear it).

My nails are painted sparkly purple. I wear purple today in her honor.

I won’t pretend to imagine what Heather & Mike are going through right now.  I remember clutching my phone, anxiously, trying to keep the bright light under the covers as I frantically hit refresh over and over, waiting to hear that sweet little Maddie, a girl I’d never met, was going to be just fine.

Sadly, she wasn’t.

In honor of this amazing little girl and her parents, who suffer daily without her brilliant smile and giggle, please donate to March of Dimes or Friends Of Maddie.  They are such worthwhile causes.  No one should have to lose the light of their lives the way the Spohrs did.

My heart goes out to them, today and every day.

I won’t pretend to imagine what Heather & Mike are going through right now.  I remember clutching my phone, anxiously, trying to keep the bright light under the covers as I frantically hit refresh over and over, waiting to hear that sweet little Maddie, a girl I’d never met, was going to be just fine.

Sadly, she wasn’t.

In honor of this amazing little girl and her parents, who suffer daily without her brilliant smile and giggle, please donate to March of Dimes or Friends Of Maddie.  They are such worthwhile causes.  No one should have to lose the light of their lives the way the Spohrs did.

My heart goes out to them, today and every day.  Today, I wear purple in Maddie’s honor.

Dear Maddie,

I was never lucky enough to meet you in person, but I am so thankful I’ve gotten to know you through your mom and dad and so many others online. The pictures and videos of you never fail to make me smile or even laugh aloud. You had a love for life that is unmatched by anyone I have ever come across in all my years.  You are missed by so many people; people that never met you, but were still touched by you.

Your mom and dad are extraordinary people…I know they won’t agree, but you and I know the truth, don’t we? They miss you more than words can describe, but have persevered and done amazing things in the past seven months….the amount of money they have raised in your name for other babies and the March of Dimes, the support packs for people with babies in the NICU in your honor; so many things they have accomplished and will continue to do to keep your memory alive forever.  Really, all they want is you, and honestly? It sucks that you had to go.  I know, you’re doing good things where you are, keeping an eye on them, helping Binky grow strong, welcoming others with that fabulous grin of yours.  Oh, that grin…

But you were supposed to turn two years old today; there was supposed to be a big party for you with love and laughter and cream puffs. Instead, around the world (well, the US and Canada at least, maybe further away, I don’t know for sure), people who have or haven’t met you will be wearing purple, crying and having cream puffs while thinking of you and your family.

Happy birthday, Madeline.  You are missed and loved.  My boys and I will hug your little purple monster and look at pictures of you while you dance and sing with the angels.

…to ask my psychic tonight:

• Is my boy EVER going to be interested in potty training?
• If I do eventually sell my business, WHAT THE HELL WILL I DO?
• Will I be a successful vegetable gardener?

…to get my boys to bed on time

…to drop of the box for Easter decorations to the office.

…to mail my rent check for the office.

…to go to the bank (for the office, of course!)

…to exercise.

…to do more laundry.

…to eat something yummy for dinner

…to finish cleaning my room so I can finally scrapbook again

What I DIDN’T forget to do today:

…listen to / make my boys giggle with reckless abandon and laugh along with them

…squish my dog

…take a shower and get dressed

…pick up dog poop before the kids rolled over it in their jeeps

…to tell my boys that they are awesome, handsome, smart and that I love them

…to remember why my nails are purple.