If you know me at all, it’s no secret that I worry about what people think of me. Wait, maybe it is a secret…I talk big, but when it comes down to it, I’ve always been concerned with the thoughts of others.  Which in general, means that I’ve given people too much…what? Credit? (I just lost my train of thought catching up on tweets, hehe).  Anyway, gave myself too much credit, maybe.  I mean, WHY the heck would most people give a crap about me or how I look??

But recently? Even though I am the heaviest I’ve ever been? I don’t really give a shit so much.  I mean, yeah, I’m overweight, but I don’t dress like I’m a size 4 or anything.  I don’t wear revealing clothing; if my clothes cling too much, I’m totally uncomfortable, so I wear clothes that fit, but not that fit snugly. And I admit, I look at overweight women who wear those revealing outfits, those outfits that are so snug I wonder how they can breathe, and I think not why do they do that? but, wow, the confidence that person has!

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Summer is upon us here in the midwest – fiercely, at the moment.  Tomorrow promises to be 90 degrees and sunny with no wind (in other words FREAKING HOT).  Last week the boys and I hit the mall and I found an acceptable swimsuit (thank heavens for Lands End, seriously).  I bought it for our upcoming vacation, knowing the boys will want to take full advantage of the hotel pool.

Then yesterday, we got out our blow up pool to cool off.  Since it’s inflatable, we put it in our side yard, next to our driveway, so the dog doesn’t get it (Daisy LOVES the water and would puncture it immediately!).  The boys were getting in and I decided what the hell and put on my suit.  The water was icy cold, but felt fabulous.

The nice part was that I didn’t care…didn’t care about all the cars that would drive down the street and see me.  Didn’t care about the workmen painting the house across the street…didn’t care about my neighbors seeing me.

All I cared about (besides getting cool) was the laughing and splashing and smiling that I got to do with my boys because I didn’t care who saw me in my swimsuit.