Welcome to my life..my family..my world..unedited.

It’s only Tuesday. It’s been a very long week.
My mom is still in the hospital (did I tell you about that? She went in Saturday night with severe abdominal pain…as of this moment, they still don’t know for sure what the pain is being caused by). Needless to say, she’s a bit frustrated and depressed and basically done with being in the hospital. I spent all day there yesterday, but was unable to go today (ironically, this is the day she normally comes to spend the day with Preston so that I can go to work!).
At about 5:30 she was threatening to sign herself out, no diagnosis, no treatment plan, since she hadn’t talked to a doctor or had her additional tests done all day. Either my brother and I speaking to her or her threats that caused a test to get scheduled…for midnight, but at least scheduled, kept her in there for at least tonight. I sure hope they find something!
In the meantime, I haven’t been to work since last week (even though I have worked from home, I was kind of getting used to being IN the office!). …

I’m having a rough day.
Work woes coupled with cancer woes added to the fact that I can’t help with the boys.
The fact that I can’t roll around and laugh and giggle and tickle my babies is hurting me, but at least I get to watch them do that with their daddy.
The fact that when they yell because they need something, they automatically yell for daddy now, hurts a hell of a lot more than I thought it would.  The simple fact that I can’t get my baby the juice he wants or the ketchup he needs or whatever is breaking my heart into a million pieces.
Then there is work – my business, the business that I fell into but took over fully as my own, that has slipped into this long-lasting economic downturn resulting in me having to make some changes. Changes that would be so much easier if *I* could go in and work.  If I could work the floor and reduce payroll that way…But I can’t.  I’m stuck on my couch for now and then who knows for how long once whatever treatment I have to do starts. I’m praying for a fairy godfather to bestow some cash …

….and all through the house,
not a creature …well, the boys are sleeping ….the dog is out…. ah, screw it, I can’t even get past the first line! hehe
So tomorrow morning, I will get up and head to the first of two buildings of U of M hospital.  My first visit is to nuclear medicine, where they will inject a dye into my leg to find the node that they need to remove and take x-rays or photos or something of said dye-injected leg.
By mid afternoon, I will be at my second building for the actual surgery (x2).  The surgery (-ies) will remove fairly large area around the mole that was originally removed to make sure there is no remaining melanoma in the surrounding cells; the second surgical area is wherever they find that node, but probably right in the crease of my leg.
Here, in no specific order, are my concerns:

That they will find additional cancer cells in either the surrounding area or the node (obviously)
That they will screw up and use steri-strips, thereby giving me hives
That they will either screw up, or be unable to find, an antibiotic that won’t cause an allergic reaction.
That I will be nauseous after the …

I’ve always been a low maintenance kind of girl.  Never super girly; jeans and a t-shirt, bare bones makeup, hair done, sneakers.  After I had Matt, I was still the same.  After Preston, well, things have gone downhill.
I like to drive with all my windows open on nice days – I don’t mind the windblown look.  But here’s the thing, it used to be I would never get out of my car without at least checking my face and hair in the rearview mirror.  The other day I was out and about and once I got back into my car it dawned on me that I had never once looked in the mirror.  Luckily, I didn’t have a bird nest for hair, but still! The possibility of looking a complete wreck and having no clue was very real.
Today, we were at the local waterpark and not once did I worry about what my hair looked like while we were playing, nor did I worry about what people would think of my sadly out of shape body as I walked around in my swimsuit.
There are apparently some benefits to being even lower maintenance than I was even before I had kids! …

Two nights before the end of school, Matt woke up yelling for me about an hour after he’d gone to bed. As per usual, I sprinted up to his room.
‘Mom! I need to do my birthday with my class and you can make cookies for me to take in!’
{me, staring at his like he’d sprouted another head} ‘Uh, okaaayy. But your birthday is in August…’
‘But we can celebrate it in school this week!!’
{me, backing away slowly} ‘Alright, I’ll talk to your teacher tomorrow’ and thinking dude, you seriously woke up to tell me that 2 days before the end of school?!
Come to find out, yes, they do encourage the kids to celebrate their birthdays with the class when it falls during non-school months. So, since Matt wanted to take cookies, cookies I would bake!
My original thought was a plate of cookies. Then I thought, why not individual bags. Then I thought, man, that’s boring!!  For some reason my mind went to those little cookie cups they sell at the cookie place at the mall – you know, cookies filled with frosting or chocolate?  Why not try to make those?!
I broke out the Googles and found that most people use pre-made …