“Hey, it’s J from school. P threw up all over himself”
Deep breath. “Is he okay? I’m on my way!”
I frantically stacked up my paperwork, turned off the computer screen and grabbed my bag. Whatever accomplishment filled work zone I had been in was certainly gone now.
*****
I walked quickly through the school doors, eyes set on getting a glimpse of my sweet, sick little boy. At first glance as I approached I wondered where he was, and what was wrong with the bigger kid in the office. A couple of steps closer and I realized that bigger kid was my baby. Briefly I wondered when that had happened.
*****
He coughed hard enough to throw up. Worry filled me as I pasted a smile on my face and took him home. Set up under a blanket with a bowl in his lap, I called the doctor. He’s been coughing on and off for months. My slight concerns about a cold lasting too long were turning into a slight panic. An appointment was made. We waited.
*****
It was the first real playdate/birthday party he had been invited to. One that included McDonalds, Miniature golf and ice cream. I was thrilled when he said …
hard to breathe
Blah day
I’m having a blah day today. Like a wave, it washed over me and dragged me under this morning and hasn’t let go. That’s not to say I haven’t been involved in life today – there was a soccer game and lunch and garage cleaning and of course, football watching. But I felt a little underwater…my leg was bothering me and then a migraine started to take hold.
Because in the back of my mind, since it wasn’t a busy day, or maybe because I had strange dreams or the freaking tide came in or because it was the 8th year anniversary of 9/11 or whatever, was the fact that I have cancer. The Big C. That word that is like bile; that no one ever wants to say out loud for fear that it will somehow become contagious. I. Have. Cancer.
What. The. Fuck. (sorry, Nic)
You know what it is? The waiting. Having to wait until the 29th to have this next surgery and then something like 3-4 weeks after that to start drug treatment? That is what sucks. That is what takes my breath away and makes a lump form in my throat. I’m not scared of …
