But I can’t.

I know I’ll be fine, but in the back of my mind I want to be prepared.

Then today, while we were driving home from appointments, I realized that Mike is exactly the guy I want raising my kids, teaching them the important things in life, traveling to places we all dream about. He’s the guy and if, god forbid, something happens, I have absolute faith that he knows what to do. And I told him so.

No letter necessary. (Thank god, because seriously, I couldn’t stop sobbing each time I tried!)

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The outpouring of support for me lately has been amazing. Unbelievable, really. People from all of the US, Canada and other countries are sending love and prayers and good thoughts. At least three churches have me on their prayer lists. It’s crazy and oh so nice.

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My friend Sunshine wrote a beautiful blog post today for/about me. Dammit if she didn’t make me cry!

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My surgery tomorrow is at noon and is supposed to last 3-4 hours.  Looks like I’ll be in the hospital about 3-5 days.  As much as I realized that this surgery was more extensive and the nodes were deeper, I guess I was either fooling myself or not thinking about it much. The surgeon is great. She showed Mike all of my scans so he could see exactly what she was talking about. I was a little surprised (ok, freaking shocked) that she’s doing a vertical incision from my belly button down instead of going in through my leg or c-section scar area. Wake up call, anyone??  They’re taking lymph nodes, my right ovary and anything else that looks wrong, hehe. She also mentioned (and showed us) that my uterus is all squished over to one side, so that’s interesting!

I’ll certainly have Mike keep everyone posted on Twitter and FB; hopefully I’ll update here sooner than later.

One of the things that kept him going was a picture of a musician who had a tattoo of the word Strength on his partially shaved head.  The picture was taken by a Pulitzer Prize winning photographer named John Kaplan.  The picture my cousin had on his wall was printed from the internet, so not very good quality.  His brother, knowing how important that photo was, sent an email to the photographer.  It was coincidental, but he, too, was fighting cancer. After exchanging emails, John decided he would not only get a print for my cousin, but he would come to Detroit and deliver it personally.

People who suffer and survive and fight cancer (and other diseases) know that once you find something to hold on to; a bright spot that helps you continue to fight, you don’t let it go. This picture was my cousin’s.

Not only did John show up on Ryan’s doorstep, he brought the rockstar with him to deliver a giant framed photograph.  The video of it is inspiring, funny and downright awesome.

John Kaplan documented his journey with Lymphoma with photographs and video and created a documentary to show people a small glimpse into fighting cancer.  It’s winning awards all over the place and he’s giving away 10,000 copies for free.

For anyone who has been touched by cancer, it’s a great short film of what it’s like to be diagnosed, what treatment can be like, and the emotions involved.

Go here and order one – for yourself or for someone you love.  And once you see it, let me know what you thought (and tell me how awesome my cousins are!)

EDITED: Here’s the link to the picture!

There is just this…A wonderful happiness, a big ol celebration and the promise of Zingermans and more laughter.

I’ll see you all next week. have a fabulous weekend.

One of my favorite pictures from Easter Sunday.