Around here, the sun is finally making a regular appearance (well, except for today which is cloudy and rainy…) and people are starting to spend more time outside.  In the past 2 days, I’ve overheard no less than 5 people talking about how they got burned or got a nice start on their tan recently. A year ago, I would have been right there with them, pulling up my pant legs and sleeves to make more of my self accessible to the sun’s warming rays; lifting my face and closing my eyes in peace.

Not anymore.

As you probably already know, I was diagnosed with melanoma on July 13, 2009.  (You can catch up with the whole story here ).  I now have to make a concentrated effort to keep out of the sun I once adored, and make sure I’m slathered with sunscreen when I’m in it. I’ve had a hard time, honestly, with the sunscreen.  I’m using a lotion with some built in, but I know it’s not enough.  I am still on the search for the perfect sunscreen – one that I can wear year round without smelling like the beach or being greasy like a piece of (pale) bacon.

But even though it’s a pain in the ass to have to remember to put on sunscreen (hey, it takes awhile to break 30+ years of habit of not wearing it, yo!), I will.  My scars and still partially numb leg, plus the fun insta-swelling I get sometimes (lymphedema) is a constant reminder that I would like to avoid further surgery and live a long, cancer-free life.

So do yourself (and me) a favor and get yourself checked out.  If you aren’t sure if something on your body looks right or wrong, please go to your doctor / dermatologist and get it checked out.  Don’t think it won’t happen to you, because it can.

Skincancer.org is a fabulous resource – lots of great articles and information available there.  Throughout the month, I’ll be posting skin cancer related information here, so please stop back by. Also, if you’ve been affected by skin cancer in any way and want to share your story, I’d love to publish you on my other website (Defying Melanoma), so please email me or leave a comment.

I had my follow-up appointment with my surgeon today. (well, first I had a visit with another doctor and a med student, but he was pleasant and had a wicked cool accent – and he was young, so he was concerned for my modesty – HAHA!).

Anyway.. Dr. C. checked me out, asked how I was doing, poked and prodded - the usual.  I don’t have many complaints – you know, aside from the numbness, tingling, electrical pulses, general pain that comes and goes – but they were more concerned with my scars. Oddly, they don’t bother me.  The boys ask how my scars are here and there; they’re calming down and smoothing out as the days pass (the scars, not the boys, hehe).

Dr. C. really took his time to let me know that they would continue to fade and be less pink and more skin tone as time passes.  Which is fine, don’t get me wrong, but scars have never bothered me.  I have scars on my knees, my hands, assorted other places and they’ve never bothered me; these are no different, even though they are big. I’m much more bothered by the sudden breath-taking pain and electrical pulses running through my leg; the numb areas that seem to still itch.  None of which is concerning to Dr. C. That will go away, and hopefully all of the numbness will go away within 18 months of the surgery.

I left the Cancer Center feeling pretty good. I know what to watch for, I know I need to wear my stocking when I’m going to over-do it, I know that the twinges mean I’m healing.  I know that I am lucky every day – and those scars? Well, they remind me of that.

Um, oops?

I had my follow-up appointment with my oncologist on the 8th and while I totally tweeted about it, I completely failed to update my loyal blog readers!!

Mike took the day off to go with me, which was much appreciated, for even though I figured it was going to be good news about the last MRI, I still was worried (because, well, duh, CANCER?)

First I had to get my blood drawn. There’s a specific blood drawing place in the cancer center, and man, were they pros!  It took longer for me to walk back and sit down than it did for her to draw my blood!  Want to see what it looked like??

Isn’t she a great artist??

SNICKER

Anyway, after they took my blood we had an hour to kill before my appointment with Dr. L, so we wandered to the hospital cafeteria to grab a quick lunch.

10 minutes later we wondered what to do for the next 50 minutes. hehe.

We sat in the waiting room, playing on our iPhones and watching a lady change the channel on the television…push button, watch for a few seconds, push button, watch for a few seconds… repeat 50 times only to end up on a financial program infomercial.  The best part? She and her husband got called back within 2 minutes of all of her troubles finding the right show!

While we were sitting there, we heard a woman talking on her phone to a relative, trying to get medical information for her husband.  Apparently, he had been just diagnosed with a rare cancer, and they had flown in to U of M to see someone familiar with it.  They weren’t very old, maybe slightly older than us, and I felt myself tear up because I totally remember those first few visits where everything was up in the air and the unknowns and the fear.  She told the relative about their family website, and I have to admit that I totally looked it up right then and there.  Anyway, we were called back before they finished the phone call, but I sure hope things turn out alright for them.  Having cancer sucks bad enough as it is; having a one in a million chance of getting some crazy rare cancer must suck even worse.

Anyway, Dr. L came in pretty quick this time (last time he was way behind), and assured us that my MRI results were perfectly fine!! YAY!!  He also did a skin check, referred me to the skin cancer specializing dermatologist for a visit in 3 months, told us what to keep an eye out for, said we should stay in touch and that was that.

Clear.

Clean.

Cancer free.

It felt great to hear that.  Really great.

We celebrated by going Christmas shopping in the middle of the day. hehe

I called my dad…he was overjoyed.  He actually had his 1 year follow up the same day for his prostate cancer check – he was given the all clear and goes back in 6 months.  Good news!!

Mike called his mom and she was totally relieved.

I called my mom (Hi Mom! I know you said you weren’t reading anymore, but just in case, HI!!) and she was…well….happy, but tentative. See, the thing is, my mom wants guarantees.  She wants to know FOR SURE that the cancer is 100% gone, and if it’s not she wants them to be able to do SOMETHING about it.  No amount of explaining that there is now way to know 100% anything, and that there are no other treatments or tricks, aside from being very aware, will keep her from worrying about her little girl.  As a mom, I truly get it, I do.  BUT, the thing is this: if the cancer comes back, it comes back.  I’m watching, I know what to look for, I have a great medical team and amazing support.  If it comes back…well, that’s just the way it goes, you know?

In the meantime, I’m going to keep doing my PT at home, wear my stocking, stock up on sunscreen and live my life.

Today I went to my home away from home – no, not my office or the bookstore – to U of M Hospital.  I know it probably sounds strange, but I’m so comfortable there and none of my visits freak me out like I figured they would.  I know my way around, the people are all so good and friendly; it’s not a bad place to be.

I had a second MRI – this time of my abdomen/kidney because my CT scan showed a small spot and Dr. L wanted to make sure that it was merely a cluster of blood vessels, as he suspects it is.  He’s not concerned, so neither am I.

The MRI experience was definitely different this time.  Last time it was just of my head, which was not very bad…loud, yes, but I certainly didn’t freak out or anything.  Today, my whole body went into the machine and my arms were trapped by my sides. I wasn’t disturbed by the squishiness factor as much as I sort of forgot how to breathe right.  Yes, that’s right, I was totally breathing wrong – couldn’t catch my breath, then was breathing too slow – as if I was just over thinking it or something.  Oh, and during this test? They needed me to hold my breath a number of times.  By the end, I wasn’t sure if I was actually holding my breath or not!

My next appointment is next week with Dr. L – surprisingly, it’s my first follow-up appointment! I can’t believe it’s been 3 months since I first met with him and I’m still working on getting all my tests finished up! Time is moving by so fast…I suppose the good part is that the more time that passes without recurrence, the better it is.

I had a physical therapy appointment yesterday – the therapist was great and taught me how to do lymphatic massage to keep my leg from swelling up too much and keep the fluid moving.  I have one more appointment with her next week as well.  She has given me the go ahead to start exercising again – starting out with walking  – as long as I can keep my stupid compression stocking up!

So there you have it…a mini update from me!

I am searching for some clarity.
My head is cloudy with thoughts
ideas
fear
panic
excitement
(pain)
too much
a desire to change things
an inability to know how
swirling and
cloudy
multitasking brain at
its best
(and worst)