Welcome to my life..my family..my world..unedited.

Mike and I met with my oncologist this morning to determine my treatment plan. After going over all of the options, we’ve decided to go with IL-2 immune therapy. It seems to be the best option for me and it still leaves the door open for other drugs if needed.

Next week I’ll have a PET scan and another MRI as well as blood work to make sure everything is ok to proceed and to set a baseline. Then, the following Monday, I’ll be admitted to the hospital to start treatment. It’s 5 days in, treatment given through IV every 8 hours, then home for a week, then back in one more week. Best case scenario is that this does the trick in shrinking it away, so fingers crossed for that.

The potential side effects freak me out. I know that every patient is different, but we all know that having a “really bad flu” isn’t fun at all. I’m hopeful that the treatment will work, the side effects will be manageable and it won’t overall be too terrible. Good thoughts and prayers always appreciated!

It sounds like I’ll have a private room, which is very important to me – I don’t want to be around other people if I don’t feel good! I’m figuring if I can take my own pillows and blankets and wear my own pjs, it will make things a little easier. I hate the unknown, so not knowing what side effects I will suffer from is disconcerting.

Being away from Mike and the boys for a week will suck but I’d rather be sick in the hospital instead of sick at home. Hopefully it won’t be too bad for them. I will miss them terribly though. In the grand scheme of things, being away from them for 2 weeks really isn’t that big of a deal. I hope they agree.

So that’s the news for now! Later, we get to tell the boys. Wish us luck!!

I’m very sore and uncomfortable today. It started last night with some seriously breathtaking pain and has eased with some pain meds, but has not disappeared at all.  It’s not post-surgical pain, it’s the old swollen lymph node pain. And nerve pain – which really sucks.

Mike has been so fabulous through this whole thing. He won’t let me do things, he’s sympathetic to my plight and he’s great with the boys and keeping up on the house and laundry. Of course, that just makes me feel more guilt.

I was chatting with a friend of mine last night who is going through (about to go through) a similar situation fighting cancer and we were both talking about how guilty we feel not pulling our weight around the house and with the kids; how as the breadwinners our husbands have so much on their shoulders and we just want to help.

It’s hard. I feel like since my restrictions have been partially lifted, I should be able to pull a little more weight around here, but sadly, doing much of anything still makes me tired, and worse, more sore.

Tomorrow I’m getting up to take the boys to school and am going to go to work for a little while. A few days ago I thought for a few hours; now I’m thinking an hour or so. Just long enough to chat and grab my mail.

The support I’ve received from online friends and local family has been so wonderful and I am very thankful. I’m sure I’ll need to lean on more people during the days ahead. (yes, I feel guilty about that, too.)

Hopefully, my next post will be less of a whine fest.

I’m not sure if it’s the surgery recovery, hormones, my medications or just the cancer, but holy crap my emotions are all over the place!

Two nights ago I was crying over stuffed animals I know I bought the boys for Easter and could not find anywhere.
A few days ago and today, episodes of Boy Meets World were getting to me.

Tonight? The boys and I sat down to finally watch The Muppets and lo and behold, the moment the first plings of banjo started for Rainbow Connection, I was in tears!! And then again, at the end.

I absolutely adored The Muppets as a kid and this movie made me so happy.

I’m a mess.

Today I asked the boys if I could take Comfy Mr. Bear* to the hospital with me if I had to go back in. Matt spun right around and asked “Why would you have to go back in?” I answered with a simple “well, you never know…I’ll know more after I see the doctor again”.

Oof. Once we talk to Dr. L on the 18th and determine a course of action for my treatment we are going to have to talk to the boys. Dreading that.

My recovery is going…slowly but surely. The mornings start out so well, but by mid-day I’m just sore and tired. It’s frustrating, but I’m staying in bed or on the couch. I need to be healthy to face the next stage of this.

It’s been fairly easy so far, but it’s becoming painfully obvious that since this surgery wasn’t entirely successful, the road ahead is going to require some serious fight.

*Comfy Mr.Bear is an identical bear to Preston’s Mr. Bear we bought as a just in case. P never took to him, therefore, he stayed cuddly and fuzzy, unlike the beloved (and very threadbare) original Mr. Bear.

Just a quick update: I’m home!! I’ve found a comfy spot and Mike is taking wonderful care of me. More to come! Thanks for your continued love and thoughts and prayers while I heal.

Ok, so here’s the thing….surgery sucks, and it didn’t go as well as planned or anticipated. I should have guessed when I passed out during pre-op, but alas, I did not. I mean, it’s ok…it will be ok, but not as well as planned. You know when the surgeon is disappointed that you should be, too.

One of my lymph nodes decided to go all rogue and wrap itself around a couple of very important veins/vessels. A specialist was called in to the OR, but he wasn’t crazy about the potential for damage, so it was decided to grab a couple nodes that were in need of removing and close me back up.

The intention now is to go to some sort of medical treatment (drugs) to shrink that jackass node down and maybe go in for it later.

Here’s the thing…I was totally expecting some sort of drugs afterward to make sure we get ALL OF THE CELLS this time. So the only major difference is that I may have to have another surgery (suck!).

Also, the ovary was just fine, so that actually is good news…I got to keep it, plus it doesn’t have any cancer in it…which means the melanoma is currently sticking to the lymph nodes and not jumping into other places.

So, just to summarize:

-a couple of lymph nodes were removed during surgery
- a rogue node is loving up on my veins and we have to shrink it before it can be removed
- my ovary is fine! The rogue node was all pretending to be my ovary where in fact, my ovary is chill.
- this means that the cyst back in September was just that and a complete coincidence
- I’m fine. Seriously. I’m in the hospital through the weekend, but it’s not all horrible. I’ve got my headphones on listening to my Yo Yo Ma station on Pandora.

My incision sucks because it’s from
Belly button down to c-sect scar…makes it hard to get up! Also, she didn’t remove any of my belly fat, so that kind of sucks. I mean really, no bonus program here?!

I’ll update more later!

Thanks for all of the love and thoughts and prayers!!!