I asked this guy out on a date for tonight.

He said yes!!

So a babysitter was secured and reservations made.

I wasn’t nervous at all. He was cute and friendly and totally made me laugh and forget about my day. He’s pretty cool.

So I had that meeting today.

I will say merely this: I was not surprised at how it went. It was a 3 hr meeting during which defensive things were said while claiming non-defensive behavior. It was par for the course, not altogether satisfactory, but not altogether unsatisfactory.

SIGH.

I learned this: there are 2 sides to every story, and I know which side I tend to believe; there are changes to be made where I can make them and other changes that won’t happen no matter what I do.

I choose not to focus on the things I can’t change.  I will not coddle or lose my focus.

I will bring this business back. It won’t be easy, but I will do it.  I will not accept threats, veiled or not. It is MINE and I will revive it.

(Looky there, I think I may have found my passion for the office again…huh).

I was trying to come up with some catchy quote about skin, but I could only think of Silence of the Lambs (CREEPY) and so you get pale and clear…

I am already so pale, although I normally am this time of year, so that part isn’t that strange.  The strange part is knowing that I won’t be any less pale without using some spray or rub on something or other for the rest of my life.  It sounds so absurd to be upset about not being tan when I should just be thankful I am alive (I AM, I swear!), but for the first 35 years of my life, it’s been all about being tan and looking “healthy”.  Pale is the new tan? Bah.  I’ve always felt better, felt like I looked better, and had more confidence when I was tan. I guess I’ll have to find that particular ego boost elsewhere.

All this babbling to say that I saw the dermatologist today for my full body scan.  {short aside: Doesn’t full body scan sound like it should be way cooler than 2 doctors looking you over from head to toe? Shouldn’t there be bright lights and machines and photos or something?!)

The resident looked me over first – poor kid looked freaking exhausted and sort of scared; I found out his wife is having their second baby in 2 weeks, too! No wonder he had circles the size of dinner plates under his eyes!  I don’t mind the residents. U of M is a teaching hospital, and I’ve had good experiences.  This young doctor knew his stuff, but was a little rushed, so I hope he can pull out of that.

The attending came in after – she was soft spoken and very nice – good bedside manner but not too soft, if you know what I mean.  She looked me over, too (which was good, because seriously, I think the resident missed a few spots here and there! hehe).  Before she left, she leaned down, looked in my eyes and said “You look great. Nothing suspicious or worrisome at all.”  I finally released the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.  {She also told me that the good news about my scars being so thick is that people who heal that way tend to look younger longer as they age. hehe}

So.

All clear.

Back in 3 months to see the oncologist and 6 months to see her again.  In the meantime, I have to keep an eye on my skin, wear sunscreen and report any issues, not matter how small or insignificant I think they may be.

I can handle that.

I was dropped into owning my own business.

I’m not very good at it.

Maybe if I hadn’t had kids I would’ve been able to devote more time to it, to nurture it and make it thrive.  But that’s a bell that can’t (and would never) be unrung.

The last couple of years have been rough financially – the economy in Michigan has sucked for awhile, but 2009 hit us HARD.  Add that to the fact that our costs of doing business not only didn’t decrease, but increased, and we had to make some changes that weren’t very popular among my staff.

My girls have their quirks, but they are loyal, and by making those unpopular changes (cutting overtime, paid time off), I thought I was being loyal to them.  My best option, honestly, was to let go of one of my employees, but I chose not to do that. That was probably a mistake.

But my biggest mistake? Was letting the doctor that works for me walk all over me and my staff.  I was so caught up in the worry of him walking away when I needed a doctor on staff the most, that I failed them and me.  They (and me) all made sacrifices while he continued to live like nothing had changed.

On Friday, I’ve set up a meeting with him – things are going to change.  He’s not going to like it, but it’s time I take my rightful spot as the boss and owner of the place.

And if he jumps ship, I’m sure there’s someone else willing and able to take his place with the rules I put into place.