Welcome to my life..my family..my world..unedited.

I FINALLY heard from the scheduler and I’m scheduled for March 29th to have my surgery to remove the lymph nodes and right ovary.
Other than that, I have no details. I have a pre-op appointment with the surgeon on the 28th, so I’ll find out more details then.  I have no idea right now if it’s in-patient or out (although I think in since it’s at the main hospital). I don’t know the recovery time, what to expect or anything like that.
What I DO know is that I am very relieved to have an actual date to have this stuff taken out of me.  Just knowing it’s in me has been causing ridiculous amounts of stress and anxiety.
In the next 3 weeks I’ll be getting ready. I have a to-do list a mile long – things for the house, things for the office, things for me.  Mike will be taking a little over a week off, and my mom and his mom are at the ready to help with the boys. I’m very thankful.
Now, if we could just get this “yucky stuff” as the boys know it out of me so we can work on moving ahead. Phew.

Still waiting to hear when my surgery will be. I should hear Monday. Actually, I WILL find something out on Monday if I have to go sit on the surgical scheduler’s desk until she gives me a time and date.
I’m much more anxious this time. Maybe it’s just because I want to get this over with, maybe it’s because the doctor used the words “more extensive and deeper”, maybe it’s just the waiting. Maybe it’s a combination of work stuff and this recurrence. Either way, I’m having these little anxiety attacks. Who knew that deep breathing from lamaze class would come in handy 9 years later?!
I feel like I’m on a roller coaster – up and positive and ready to fight one moment and down and scared and anxious the next. I’m trying to keep busy, especially when all I want to do is crawl under the covers.
This will all be so much better when I know when things will be happening.
I hate waiting and uncertainty.
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There’s a new App called Draw Something, and while it seems to be struggling with its own popularity right now, the boys, Mike and I were all sitting at the table playing each other tonight. …

I got the dreaded phone call today. The melanoma is back – it’s in the lymph nodes they took biopsies of and in my right ovary. They’re going to do surgery to remove those nodes and the ovary (turns out that cyst from the fall might not have been just an innocent cyst after all).  I’ve been assured that it’s all still in one area, but warned that the nodes are deeper this time, so a little more extensive of a surgery may be necessary. Unfortunately, removing more lymph nodes increases the chance of the lymphedema (excessive swelling) in my leg, so that will suck, but I can live with it.
Dr. L mentioned that once the surgery is done, we’ll talk about additional treatment possibilities. Last time the risks and side effects of interferon outweighed the possible benefits, but this time we might need to do something.  Right now I don’t know if that means chemo or radiation or some other drug…I’m taking it one step at a time. Surgery first and then we’ll talk about that stuff.
Now I wait for the call from the surgeon to find out when.
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In more light-hearted news, my kids are finally starting to understand …

I hate waiting.
By nature I am a fairly impatient person. Oh, I’ve gotten better over the years or at least better at hiding it, but the fact remains, I dislike waiting.
Yet here I am again. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting for test results. Waiting for the sun to shine down on me or the other shoe to drop.
My biopsy went well.  I was in recovery way longer than the procedure itself took. It was a needle biopsy, so I was given something to relax me and numbed up locally, and watched until my eyelids were too heavy as they searched for the right spot on the ultrasound they used to guide them. It was pretty interesting.
I had to lay flat for 2 hours post-procedure, so I dozed in and out. When I finally got to sit up, I was able to eat, and soon after, able to go home.  My mom came with me and of course took good care of me the whole time.
Friday I spent all day relaxing, per doctor’s orders. I did no work, no housework, no nothing. Aside from the tenderness and sleepiness, it was a nice day.
But now it’s back to regular life and …

I was working on cleaning up and reorganizing my home office today. Probably as some way to have some control over something right now or avoidance or just boredom.
Anyway, I came across a lot of great pictures and I got myself all teary and snotty and such. Anxiety is at an all time high for me – I didn’t think I was nervous about my appointments this week, but my body and subconscious are obviously telling me otherwise. Add in the ever-exciting work/money/general life issues and I’m a wee bit o’ mess.
Let’s enjoy some pictures, eh?
First up, one of my High School Senior Pictures – rolled pants, Converse…how cute was I?

Next we have our beloved Riley (aka: Fooby, the foobs, Dorkdog) We lost him in February a few years back and he still holds a very special place in our hearts.
 He was quite the snuggler.

And those ears? Never missed a thing.
Look at this picture of my babies!!

SIGH.
 And this picture of me & Mike?! We were SO YOUNG! (And damn was I thin). (And I think I saw that hat recently).
So there you go…a few pics from the past just for fun.
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I started …