Matt told me last night that he wished he could fall asleep as easily and quickly as I do. I had to laugh. Poor kid doesn’t remember the mom that never napped, that never sat down until the house was clean and the dishes and laundry done. He doesn’t remember me never sitting still.
I’ve been dealing with fatigue and the like from assorted surgeries, medications and treatments on and off since 2009 when I was first diagnosed with melanoma. Lately, with the IPI treatments and the re-starting of Zelboraf I’m more tired than ever.
Of course, all he sees is me being able to sleep on the couch or the chair at the drop of the hat or having trouble getting out of bed in the morning. He doesn’t see the insomnia or restless legs that plague me while he snores peacefully in his own bed; he doesn’t see me prowling the house, trying to get my body to calm down so I can finally rest. He doesn’t notice me rushing through chores as fast as I can when I do actually have energy.
He may wish he could fall asleep as easily as me, but I’ll just keep wishing that he’ll never know the whys and hows of my being able to.