IPI #1

October 24, 2012 · 8 comments


It’s 7:35am and I’ve already had my blood drawn and wandered half the hospital. I’m waiting in the Skills Lab (25 min early) to learn more about the infusion process and what to expect with regard to side effects and what not. When I finish here, I’ll wander back through the hospital, back to the cancer center and to the infusion floor.

I chose to come alone today; sometimes it’s easier to face this stuff by myself. I’m using the quiet to center myself and focus on this treatment working. I’m not sure if I feel like I needed to do this to show my strength to myself or if I just didn’t want to bother anyone. Either way, here I am.

A little nervous…not for the actual infusion, but the side effects. And actually, I’m really only worried about the one side effect. (TMI: intestinal issues, if you catch my drift)

People who have diseases and those who care for them always talk about quality of life. It’s a very abstract concept when you’re not involved, but when you are, it becomes this huge, neon sign like thing. Every thing I do – take a pill, have a surgery, get a new therapy – all comes down to 2 things: (1) will I be ok enough to take care of and enjoy my boys (2) will it help me live longer. Yes, in that order.

I know a lot of people still don’t get that Melanoma is deadly, but it very much is. I have plans though. I see my boys learning how to be men, being friends in high school, bounding through the house, home from college; I see them in my future.
It’s 9:19 and I’m in a chair waiting for the pharmacy to mix my drugs. I have an IV, some grape juice and a warm blanket. I might just take a nap.

9:30 and we are rolling with Yervoy dose one. Plugging in my headphones and turning on Pandora. A nap sounds good.


I’ve been dozing off and waking up for an hour now. 1/2 hour more and I should be done. It’s so strange…it’s like I keep waking myself up to make sure I’m not snoring or making noises.

Freedom!! Headed out into a 70° day – thinking of looking for costume stuff for the boys.
1:45 home at last and flopped on the couch. So tired. It occurs to me that if I were to get any side effects from this, I wouldn’t really know they weren’t from the Z….hmmm…
8:30 – sitting in family room with my guys watching the World Series. We went to get pumpkins for carving Friday and now I’ve got to figure out how to get the kids to bed so I can go to bed.

Until tomorrow, my friends….



{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather October 25, 2012 at 4:24 am

I thought about you a lot today. Especially today. xoxo


DawnV October 25, 2012 at 4:26 am

Cheering you on as you bravely battle the beast and hoping that the side effects are minimal today…


Mom October 25, 2012 at 7:04 am

My thoughts, prayers and love were with you through the day. I wanted to be there with you but after reading this I understand you wanting to be alone. Love you!


Aunt Renee October 25, 2012 at 10:19 am

Uncle Denny and I were thinking about you yesterday. Hope you felt our love.


Anita October 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

You are in my prayers morning and night and sometimes in between. I don’t see you very much, but I love you with all my heart hugs Anita


Lizzy wizzy October 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm

Thinking of you always ! Praying for you and saying to myself constantly…what a brave and wonderful person you are !


Nicole October 25, 2012 at 11:03 pm

I loved reading the details – it’s the closest thing I’ll ever to get to understanding what you’re going through without being there with you. I loved seeing your arm and shoes too. 🙂 You are awesome, strong, amazing, and you WILL grow old with me. Love you, cuz!


Mom II October 25, 2012 at 11:14 pm

Love ya! Just to state the obvious – we’re all here when you need us nearby and yet with you all the way no matter where you are. Kiss and a hug and a love and a squeeze.


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