I’m very sore and uncomfortable today. It started last night with some seriously breathtaking pain and has eased with some pain meds, but has not disappeared at all. It’s not post-surgical pain, it’s the old swollen lymph node pain. And nerve pain – which really sucks.
Mike has been so fabulous through this whole thing. He won’t let me do things, he’s sympathetic to my plight and he’s great with the boys and keeping up on the house and laundry. Of course, that just makes me feel more guilt.
I was chatting with a friend of mine last night who is going through (about to go through) a similar situation fighting cancer and we were both talking about how guilty we feel not pulling our weight around the house and with the kids; how as the breadwinners our husbands have so much on their shoulders and we just want to help.
It’s hard. I feel like since my restrictions have been partially lifted, I should be able to pull a little more weight around here, but sadly, doing much of anything still makes me tired, and worse, more sore.
Tomorrow I’m getting up to take the boys to school and am going to go to work for a little while. A few days ago I thought for a few hours; now I’m thinking an hour or so. Just long enough to chat and grab my mail.
The support I’ve received from online friends and local family has been so wonderful and I am very thankful. I’m sure I’ll need to lean on more people during the days ahead. (yes, I feel guilty about that, too.)
Hopefully, my next post will be less of a whine fest.
Wife. Mom. Cancer Fighter. Friend. Business Owner. I believe life is short, some things just are what they are, and that there are very few problems that laughter won't solve or at least make better. 
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Ugh. Ongoing pain is just miserable. Be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, and you’ve got multiple things going on. Certainly thank Mike, but sweep the guilt away. Stepping up in times like this is part of what being a partner/spouse is about. You would do the same for him! I seriously hope they can get you some relief ASAP. Until then, feel free to vent/whine whenever you need to! I’m wrapping you in a big, virtual hug and sending you love!! xox
Whinefest? Hardly!! I agree, Mike stepping up is what partners are supposed to do in these situations and you would do for him in the future as you have in the past. You support each other and there is no room for guilt in that. I get that you’re frustrated because you feel like you could maybe be “doing” more, but your job right now is to heal. As crappy and frustrating as it may be, it is what it is. Please don’t bear your burden alone, whine, bitch, complain, moan away about it all! What you’re going through sucks and if talking about it makes you feel even minutely better, go hog wild!
Love and Hugs always!