anxiety and random thoughts

Still waiting to hear when my surgery will be. I should hear Monday. Actually, I WILL find something out on Monday if I have to go sit on the surgical scheduler’s desk until she gives me a time and date.

I’m much more anxious this time. Maybe it’s just because I want to get this over with, maybe it’s because the doctor used the words “more extensive and deeper”, maybe it’s just the waiting. Maybe it’s a combination of work stuff and this recurrence. Either way, I’m having these little anxiety attacks. Who knew that deep breathing from lamaze class would come in handy 9 years later?!

I feel like I’m on a roller coaster – up and positive and ready to fight one moment and down and scared and anxious the next. I’m trying to keep busy, especially when all I want to do is crawl under the covers.

This will all be so much better when I know when things will be happening.

I hate waiting and uncertainty.

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There’s a new App called Draw Something, and while it seems to be struggling with its own popularity right now, the boys, Mike and I were all sitting at the table playing each other tonight. Family game night for the technologically advanced family!

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Mike made enchiladas tonight. I swear, I could eat those every. single. day.

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Daisy spent 4 hours at the groomer today – she is so soft and smells so good and no longer has eagle-like talons on her feet.

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I have really come to loathe election years.  Just for fun, here’s what I think right now:

• Birth control is my freaking business and yes, I would like my insurance to pay for it. If I can’t get insurance to pay for it, then men can’t have ED drugs. Quid pro quo.
• Making churches offer it as an insurance coverage item crosses the church/state boundary very obviously.
• BUT, your church shouldn’t get to decide if I use birth control any more than I should get to choose your church.
• I’d like to put Santorum into a room with some of the leading feminists and a bunch of gay people and let them tell him what the real world is really like.
• Please stop campaigning on your values. My state still has the highest unemployment rate, people are underwater in their houses, and I don’t give a shit where you stand on abortion, what church you go to or that you think women should go back to being Leave it to Beaver housewives.
• I applaud POTUS for golfing. Good for him getting a break.  We all know that being over-stressed does not a good employee (or parent) make.
• When people get all gung-ho for Santorum and all of his values, I wonder if they realize that none of those matter one lick if he were to actually get into the White House.
• Rush Limbaugh can go to hell.

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I am SO happy that baseball will be back soon. Opening day in about a month. Nothing says Spring and Summer more than Tiger baseball. Tonight I was even watching the NYY just to see baseball!

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Mike has been doing a great job running lately. He’s doing the couch to 5k thing and every time he thinks he can’t do it, he kicks ass. I’m so proud of him. Maybe when I can breathe again I’ll be able to get back on my bike.

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Getting good night hugs from the boys is by far one of my favorite things. They’re all warm and snuggly, like when they were babies. God, they’re growing up so fast. Matt has friends calling him, Preston is getting very independent and they’re both getting taller nightly, I swear.  Every once in a while, Matt wants a hug in bed and doesn’t want to let go. There have been times when it annoyed me because he was just doing it to be a brat and wouldn’t let go; now I want as many of those as I can get.