sometimes you just feel tired

February 15, 2012 · 2 comments

‘Cause sometimes you just feel tired,
Feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
And just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
And not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse.

-Eminem – ‘Til I Collapse

The emails and phone calls have come fast and furious from the moms and an uncle. Text messages, tweets, DMs from friends near and far.  I appreciate every one – every thought, prayer, reassurance is lovely. Truly.

I am fine. No, really. But see, this is why it’s so hard to be strong for so long and then fall apart…everyone freaks out and tries to fix you.
I don’t need fixes (unless it’s monetary, then I’ll take a LOT). I need answers and confidence and strength and hope.  Trust me, if I thought Mike could get somewhere with my team of doctors, he would be.
Just because I needed to rant and have a meltdown/panic attack, doesn’t mean I’m useless or giving up. A person can only be so strong before the weight of it all squashes her down.
I’ll get back up…I may waver, I may stumble, but I’ll get back up.
Last night, I turned on my computer and got on twitter and was squished in a giant hug of generosity and love and understanding. That, combined with the end of the dog show, helped quite a bit with lifting me up.
I woke in a better mood this morning.
Today I’m getting things done. Dermatology appointment this morning ( all clear skin check at least!) ultrasound early this afternoon (not sure why exactly; guessing something to do with cyst more than nodes.). Then my brain MRI.
Friday I’ll call for results by noon; next Wednesday I’ll meet with the surgeon for a consult of what next.
I’m not sitting around waiting, but of course nothing happens as fast as I’d like.
And as far as the office? Well, I’m doing the best I can. I’m looking forward and making changes and hoping and praying for the best and a sign to prove I’m moving in the right direction.
And if I’m not? Well, I’ll hope for the strength and support of friends and family then, too.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Sarah February 15, 2012 at 8:12 pm

I know I’m not geographically close, but if there is anything I can do from here let me know. I’m sending all positive thoughts your way.


shine February 18, 2012 at 11:34 pm

You know me, eternal optimist…I KNOW you will get through this. I’m here for you honey. Love and hugs and all the positivity I have coming your way!


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: