Pillow talk

“MAMA!!”  Comes the cry from upstairs. I had just settled my butt back on the couch from tucking them both in; Mike was already asleep, exhausted from being up too late last night.

I waited, wanting to make sure it was a real cry, not just a ‘I can’t reach my water’ whine.  It was.  I walked in with purpose; not a night goes by during which both boys don’t cry out for us multiple times and it has gotten very old.

“This better be good, mister” I said sternly as I walked in.  And it was, of course.

“I can’t stop thinking about my school and our house catching on fire!” he said, tears glistening. I immediately sunk to the floor next to his bed.  A few minutes later, we determined that the watching of the smokejumpers video on the National Geographic site was to blame.  While we do have some trees around our house and around his school, we are no where near to being in a forest. Or near a forest.  He thought that just because the trees were near, we lived in a forest that would catch on fire. Sigh.

From there we moved on to him missing Fooby. Which he always mentions when he’s exhausted.  It hurts a lot less now when he says it because I expect it, but 2 years later, I still miss my dog, too.  So we spent a good 10 minutes on Fooby, and my mom’s old dog, Bosley, and the neighbor’s dog, Callie all living in doggie heaven together, sleeping in a big pile on their clouds, playing all day.  It was going well, and then? He broke my heart.

“Mom? Can we call up there?” For a moment I was confused, then it hit me. He wanted to call Heaven to make sure that our dog was ok. OOF.  I tried to explain that we couldn’t call, but that we could talk to the people and pets in heaven anytime we wanted to. I told him how I talk to my grandma, and how my mom talks to her mom and dad all the time.  I told him that I’m positive that when Daisy stands in the yard barking at absolutely nothing that she is talking to Fooby and letting him know how we’re doing. We chatted a few more minutes about that, then he got me again.

“Mom, how do the dogs get to heaven?” OH MY HELL. Honestly, I wasn’t sure it was the time to get into the whole body vs. soul thing, so I kept it as simple as I could, telling him how we took away Riley’s pain to make him comfortable. He seemed satisfied, but I’m sure this won’t be the end.

We talked for a few more minutes about random things, trying to get his mind off of sad and scary things so he could fall asleep.  Among our topics: those paddles with the ball attached with elastic, the difference between bunnies and rabbits, counting pennies, and his inability to get comfortable plus my inability to physically make him be comfortable. Finally, he settled in to sleep, Mr. Ploppy on his head, Elly in his arms, and giant bear next to him.

It’s in these moments, my head resting on his bed, looking into his deep brown eyes, listening to him seeking answers and weaving stories, that my heart is full with amazement.

And then I go out of his room and I hear “MOM!!” again.

Dammit. Go to sleep kid!!!

hehe

Tagged as: being a mom, matthew