This Body

January 10, 2010 · 2 comments

I’ve changed a lot since I was a young thing and got married – body and mind; personality and expectations.  I’ve learned a lot in this life, as I’m sure we all have.  Lately, I’ve become dissatisfied with my body.  I keep thinking it’s time to make changes – small ones, like I know it should be done. But I haven’t.  I had a small taste of weight loss while I was laid up with my second surgery – being unable to keep anything down for well over a day plus not being able to eat as much since I couldn’t get up and get myself food.  It was admittedly nice to go in and get weighed at my follow up appointment and see a smaller number on the scale. Unfortunately, my inability to exercise due to my leg and ridiculous eating of crappy food saw that weight loss reverse itself pretty quickly.

Lately I’ve been seeing myself through open eyes. Knowing how much I’ve gained based on my clothing sizes alone didn’t seem to make it real to me; I’ve always looked in the mirror and saw myself thinner than I really am (is that some sort of reverse anorexia?) but lately I’ve seen myself as I really look.

My doctor has always focused on health and fitness above weight, which probably hasn’t helped me. I am healthy, and as far as fitness goes, I can walk forever; I’ve been known to bike 10-15 miles just to take a bike ride. But that doesn’t make me fit, healthy or at an ideal weight.

Personally I think those ‘ideal weight’ charts are a bunch of crap, but I know that I’m not at MY ideal size. And that’s honestly what matters.

I don’t hate my body; I am thankful for all it does for me.  I hate the idea of being older and not being able to eat what I want, when I want. I hate the idea of working for every little thing.

This body has created and birthed two amazing little boys.

This body has eyes that have seen life and death and everything in between.

This body has arms that have held babies and hugged friends and reached out.

This body has a leg that is scarred and damaged and sore but cancer-free now.

This body has feet that have walked 60 miles (twice) to raise money for a cure for breast cancer.

This body has a mouth that smiles and laughs and frowns and talks.

This body has ears that soak in the sounds of children and laughter and listens to friends near and far.

This body has hands that reach out into a virtual world and connect with real people; hands that can soothe and hold.

This body is not perfect, but it is mine and it has treated me fairly well (minus that cancer crap).

This body will reduce in size, slowly and surely, but it will not change who I am inside of it.

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Diana, The Doggy Mommy January 10, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Well said! As bad as I have treated my body, it’s been pretty good to me! Thanks body for hanging in there for me! 😉
.-= Diana, The Doggy Mommy´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..Broken Hearts =-.


glamgranola January 10, 2010 at 4:20 pm

I think looking at your body in a positive light is always a good thing. Keep it up!


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