Blah day

September 12, 2009 · 7 comments

I’m having a blah day today. Like a wave, it washed over me and dragged me under this morning and hasn’t let go. That’s not to say I haven’t been involved in life today – there was a soccer game and lunch and garage cleaning and of course, football watching. But I felt a little underwater…my leg was bothering me and then a migraine started to take hold.

Because in the back of my mind, since it wasn’t a busy day, or maybe because I had strange dreams or the freaking tide came in or because it was the 8th year anniversary of 9/11 or whatever, was the fact that I have cancer. The Big C. That word that is like bile; that no one ever wants to say out loud for fear that it will somehow become contagious. I. Have. Cancer.

What. The. Fuck. (sorry, Nic)

You know what it is? The waiting. Having to wait until the 29th to have this next surgery and then something like 3-4 weeks after that to start drug treatment? That is what sucks. That is what takes my breath away and makes a lump form in my throat.  I’m not scared of the surgery, I’m not scared of the drug treatment…whatever I have to do to be free of this crap and be able to be around for my boys and my love, is what I will do.  Short term pain for long term gain is fine by me (you know, so long as I get the long term gain).

I’m fine….HONEST.  I think I was just due to have a blah day; a retreat into myself kind of day so that I can get back to it.  Tomorrow is sure to bring the (fabulously) mundane tasks that keep the house going – dishes, laundry, playing outside, watching football, making pot roast and mashed potatoes.  I have a lovely list of things I want to get accomplished before having the next surgery, thereby keeping body and mind busy.  And now that I’m able to walk again, I’d like to take a few walks, get a little exercise, before I’m stuck on the couch for a couple weeks. Add that to getting to work three days a week, the time should fly by.

I hope.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Marilyn (ALotofLoves) September 13, 2009 at 1:19 am

I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now. I doubt that I can say anything that will rock your world in the situation you are in but I just wanted you to know that I’m out here in internet-land thinking about you and sending you strength to help you get through what you need to get through.
.-= Marilyn (ALotofLoves)´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..The Baddest Cat in the Whole Damn Town =-.


flutter September 13, 2009 at 4:51 am

I think, when you have any form of cancer, that you are automatically allowed to say fuck.
.-= flutter´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..Remember =-.


AndreAnna September 13, 2009 at 7:21 am

You are, most definitely, entitled to your Fuck You Cancer days.

Excuse my mouth.
.-= AndreAnna´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..Don’t Mess With The Zohan =-.


Diana, thedoggymommy September 13, 2009 at 4:45 pm

I hate the big C! I’m thinking your gonna be rid (free) of it after the surgery. I’m gonna put in a request (demand) with the big guy!
Your boys are beautiful and so are you!
.-= Diana, thedoggymommy´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..It’s Greek To Me Birthday Dinner! =-.


bejewell September 13, 2009 at 5:00 pm

Everybody deserves a blah day every now and then and trust me — you’ve earned it. Embrace it, be blah, eat ice cream and do whatever else you need to do to feel better tomorrow. Sometimes you just need to tune out and feel sorry for yourself for a while.
.-= bejewell´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..Because of 9/11, I Made My Husband Gay on Facebook =-.


Kyla September 13, 2009 at 7:57 pm

I agree with Flutter wholeheartedly.

I’m sorry for the waiting, it must be so difficult. Blah days are definitely allowed.
.-= Kyla´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..24 hours. =-.


Shine September 13, 2009 at 10:44 pm

Keep busy, the time will fly and we’re all here for you whatever your days may be…blah days, fuck it days, angry days, cry days, happy days, whatever the mood may be!


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