Welcome to my life..my family..my world..unedited.

I found this little note I wrote myself while we were on vacation in DC.
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July 1, 2009
Today the boys went to explore an area of the hotel grounds while Mike and I finished our dinner. We were seated in the outside area of the hotel restaurant and it had a beautiful stone stairway down to a fountain and grassy area. There was also a cute little gazebo beyond, plus a few seating areas. It wasn’t far away (literally down some stairs – as if they were in the yard at home and we were on the deck) but my heart clenched a little watching them walk away. Aloud I lamented the fact that they were being so sweet with each other and I didn’t have a camera. Mike oh so gently reminded me that us sitting together, watching our boys was OUR moment and we didn’t need a picture to remind us how sweet they could be, how they really did look out for each other, or to remember the scenery.
Sometimes that husband of mine is just brilliant.
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Ever since I was little, I have loved the feeling of the sun on my skin, the warmth, the lovely glow my darkened skin gave me. I grew up in the 70s and 80s…when people used suntan lotion and oil, not sunscreen. When people I knew used those crazy aluminum foil-looking reflectors to encourage the sun to bake them up nice and crispy. I used to lay in the sun for hours upon hours, reading and listening to the radio. The sun making me a lovely golden brown and making my hair more and more blond as the summer days stretched on.
To this day, well, yesterday, now, I still love the sun and the healthy look it gives me. Sadly, all those years in the sun have caught up to me.
I had a mole on my leg removed on Monday; today I got my lab results back with the diagnosis of melanoma. Skin cancer. (pause her for a big, deep breath) Treated early, it shouldn’t be a big deal. What I don’t know yet is if it’s early or not. So far, signs are pointing to early. I’m waiting for a call back for an …

I’m cranky today. Not sure why…boys slept til nearly 9. Grocery shopping is done. Kitchen is actually clean. Boys are being pretty good.
So what the hell is my problem today??
Perhaps it’s the subconscious worry of the mole I had removed yesterday and the stitches removal in a couple weeks (I’m a wimp)
Perhaps it’s the unsuccessful attempt at making covers for the equipment at work I made yesterday.
Maybe it’s the pile of bills I need to pay; insurance claims to submit; employee issues to solve PLUS the updating of the website, patient satisfaction survey, employee handbook updating, newsletter, kids week promos, insurance rejections, and did I mention bills?
Perhaps I’m PMSing…haven’t had my visitor in months, but maybe generic bc pills don’t work as well.
Maybe I’m in need of exercise…tomorrow, Dr. says.
Dehydrated? Nutrient deprived? Guess I’ll grab some water and a vitamin.
Perhaps it’s the never-ending piles of laundry, messy family and play rooms, and the disastrous state of my home office/craft room that have put me over the edge.
In the meantime? Feel free to leave me a joke in the comments or commisserate with me. I’ll try not to run you down with my car if you …

They stand between their parked cars at the edge of the gas station lot. He’s smiling and warm, probably talking about what he and his daughter did since the weekend started. She’s tentative, as if she needs to keep the space between them, to use their daughter as a buffer. He’s animated, smiling, trying, almost desperately, to keep her engaged in conversation before she once again slips away to her new life. He glances away from her swollen belly, a visual reminder to him of what could have been; of what she now has with someone else.
He kisses his daughter sweetly. She hugs him around his neck and presses a kiss to his cheek before she hops in the car. Her mom eases toward the driver’s seat, as if she wants to leave, but doesn’t really want to hurt him again.  They are buckled and ready but he can’t let them go yet. He keeps talking, engaging, trying to keep her near.
She starts the engine and pulls away. He stands and watches them go, sadly waving goodbye to the life he once had.

Here’s the link, in case you want to see all of our pictures from DC! =)
Flickr DC Collection