Not caring as much

June 23, 2009 · 6 comments

If you know me at all, it’s no secret that I worry about what people think of me. Wait, maybe it is a secret…I talk big, but when it comes down to it, I’ve always been concerned with the thoughts of others.  Which in general, means that I’ve given people too much…what? Credit? (I just lost my train of thought catching up on tweets, hehe).  Anyway, gave myself too much credit, maybe.  I mean, WHY the heck would most people give a crap about me or how I look??

But recently? Even though I am the heaviest I’ve ever been? I don’t really give a shit so much.  I mean, yeah, I’m overweight, but I don’t dress like I’m a size 4 or anything.  I don’t wear revealing clothing; if my clothes cling too much, I’m totally uncomfortable, so I wear clothes that fit, but not that fit snugly. And I admit, I look at overweight women who wear those revealing outfits, those outfits that are so snug I wonder how they can breathe, and I think not why do they do that? but, wow, the confidence that person has!


Summer is upon us here in the midwest – fiercely, at the moment.  Tomorrow promises to be 90 degrees and sunny with no wind (in other words FREAKING HOT).  Last week the boys and I hit the mall and I found an acceptable swimsuit (thank heavens for Lands End, seriously).  I bought it for our upcoming vacation, knowing the boys will want to take full advantage of the hotel pool.

Then yesterday, we got out our blow up pool to cool off.  Since it’s inflatable, we put it in our side yard, next to our driveway, so the dog doesn’t get it (Daisy LOVES the water and would puncture it immediately!).  The boys were getting in and I decided what the hell and put on my suit.  The water was icy cold, but felt fabulous.

The nice part was that I didn’t care…didn’t care about all the cars that would drive down the street and see me.  Didn’t care about the workmen painting the house across the street…didn’t care about my neighbors seeing me.

All I cared about (besides getting cool) was the laughing and splashing and smiling that I got to do with my boys because I didn’t care who saw me in my swimsuit.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

flutter June 24, 2009 at 1:19 am

I’ll bet you’re lovely.
.-= flutter´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..The sound of no silence =-.


maggie, dammit June 24, 2009 at 6:33 pm

That’s ALL that matters. When your boys recall that memory, do you think it will involve your size? Absolutely not.

Absolutely not.


Michelle June 24, 2009 at 6:50 pm

One more thing we can thank our obnoxious…er….beautiful babies for. Motherhood somehow has the power to transform us from insecure girls into confident (at least more confident 🙂 women! HIP HIP HOORAY!!


AndreAnna June 24, 2009 at 8:40 pm

You’re a wonderful role model for your boys! They’ll remember their mom being active with them and that’s what’s important, not how she looked in a bathing suit, although I’m sure you looked great!
.-= AndreAnna´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..Whiskers on kittens… =-.


mrs chicken June 24, 2009 at 9:57 pm

That is so great — I should take some lessons from you. I have had the hardest time getting into my bathing suit this year, even though I’m slimmer than I have been in years.
.-= mrs chicken´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..The Label Maker =-.


mamatulip June 26, 2009 at 10:49 pm

GOOD FOR YOU! I did the same thing this week – went swimming with my kids and my neighbour, who is like, a size 2, tan, hairless, shapely – all the things I’m NOT. It’s the first time I’ve truly let go of my insecurities and just said FUCK IT in a very very long time. And like you, I had a good time. I had *fun*.
.-= mamatulip´s last [bit of blogging genius] ..From the mouths of babes… =-.


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