Matthew is 5 years old and by all accounts, a typical 5 year old.  He screams loud enough to break glass with excitement, he jumps, runs and races about 88% of the time that he is awake (and at home).  He is apparently an absolute angel at school (and yes, I have requested that his teacher send that boy home from time to time). He is smart (reading at well above a 1st grade level already) and inquisitive and pretty damn cute.

But lately, I don’t feel as connected to him as I used to. He’s my first born; my baby. But lately I seem to be yelling at him, insisting he move faster, get dressed, hurry up and eat, do this, do that, stop this, stop that. And I don’t like it.

He is very independent and grown up for his age, and I like that about him (I have always been very independent, since probably right around or right before his age and I think it’s a good thing). I probably see him as bigger than he is sometimes, and I’m certain that it’s easy to forget that he’s only FIVE.  The way he carries himself, some of the things he says or does have somewhere along the line made me feel like he’s big…and he’s really not.  I always lament the fact that kids grow up way too fast these days, but it seems that I am pushing my own boy to be big before his time. Why?

I think a lot of it is that he’s at school ALL day.  The mornings of craziness and evenings of madness are completely dissected by the fact that he is so busy being good for his teachers that he truly needs to comfort of home to release and be himself. Which I totally get.  But I’m not crazy about.

The mornings are crazy because he dawdles. He hims and haws and is as slow as molasses. He can’t make decisions without thinking them through for much longer than I want, and heaven forbid I try to simply make the choice for him – meltdown city!! I find myself yelling for about 20 minutes straight in the morning and I do. not. like. it. So I’ve tried getting him up earlier…he gets dressed and eats earlier, and therefore is ready to go, but then I still can’t get him out the door! I understand that he wants to play before school, but why can’t he understand that he needs to be ready earlier and get out the door on time to be able to do so?!

This last week he was home from school due to mid-winter break (totally not a vacation I had growing up!). I had forgotten what it was like to be home with both kids all day. Hello, chaos!  Mike was home sick Mon-Wed as well, so that made the week even stranger.  But they were good, just crazy together.  And the couple of trips we made to stores? Holy crap, it’s easier to shop with one kid!! Hard to believe how quickly I forgot that!

There were a few times when Matt had to be talked to about being mean to his brother, told to STOP doing whatever he was doing (to his brother), but for the most part, the three of us hung out and did well together.  Even bedtime wasn’t too bad. Of course, by Thursday night, Matt was on my last nerve with the bedtime ritual, but it worked out fine (because Mike was feeling better!).

You single moms out there? My utmost respect and admiration. Seriously.

And so I’ve determined, that in order to get him to be the best he can be, I need to be the best I can be. So starting Monday morning, I’m going to do my damndest to prod and push him out the door on time without yelling.  I’m going to sit him down and talk to him more and I’m going to spend more one on one time with him. And when it comes to reading books, I’ll take the time to chat with him instead of yelling at him to just be quiet and let me read. It’ll take longer, but it just might make it easier on both of us.

And maybe, just maybe, we can get through our days with less yelling and more laughing. With less reprimands and more praise.  Because really?  He’s awesome and I hate that in the midst of daily life I sometimes forget that.