Open Letters

(blatantly stealing this from about a zillion people who also do it on their blogs – I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, so neener neener neener!! )

Dear Lady with a bunch of kids at Red Robin last week:

Seriously? Sit down, relax and eat your freaking lunch.  It’s a family restaurant. We know what it is like to have kids.  Heck, we know what it is like to have kids that would rather peek over the back of the booth than eat their food. We don’t care. And plus, chances of seeing anyone in the 5 table radius again? Slim to none.

That said, if you need to reprimand your children (though honestly, they were totally fine), please follow through on your threats. It’s parenting 101 – if you make a threat, you have to follow through with it.  If you don’t have the cajones to follow through, please don’t make the threats. Moreso, please don’t keep repeating the threat.

And when you do finally storm out with one kid, leaving your other kids with your sister/friend and her husband, please watch where you are going, as you almost took out my fairly-decently behaved kids.

Thanks,

Woman with kids, too.

Dear Jackass in the White Car today:

Really? Cutting me off, getting on the guy in front of you and swerving in and out of traffic on the 30 mile per hour road got you where you were going what, like 27 seconds faster?  Settle down, dude.

signed,

Chick who wishes cars were more like bumper cars, because she would have rammed your ass.

Dear every single person that comes in contact with my puppy:

Thanks.  You are totally doing my socialization work for me. Really, thanks. (seriously, no sarcasm, she’s learning to be totally awesome with people and other dogs!)

-Proud puppy mama

Dear Boys,

Yes it’s cute that you are playing Deadliest Catch on my bed and pretending the pillows are crab pots. But seriously, go to bed.  I’m still exhausted and the puppy is going to be up early, not to mention neither of you are going to sleep solidly through the night anyway.

Plus, I need to eat dinner, finish the laundry and finish the dishes, not to mention do some very important web surfing work or something.

Love, Mom

Dear Mother Nature,

Enough with the bazillion percent humidity, ok? I’d like to play outside and get some things done without sweating rivers the minute I walk out the door.

Signed,

Soggy

Dear Me,

You rock. You totally cleaned out your office/craft room closet and reorganized it like a Martha-Stewart wannabe. Now, maybe you could catch up on some scrapbooking, fix those couple of bracelets and start exercising?

Love, You

Dear Employees,

I don’t want to come to work tomorrow.  But I will.  I can’t guarantee I’ll be happy about it, but I’ll be there.  Probably sweating because I have to move stuff to and from storage. And deal with bills.  And keep you all from having weird power trips.

-The Boss