almost five

He asked me to get into bed with him, ‘will you lay here and cuddle with me?’  Of course. Of. Course.  He’s not normally my cuddler, never really has been since he was able to move around on his own. Certainly he was cuddly when he woke in the wee hours of the morning and I brought him back to bed with me to lie on my chest; both of us so cozy that we would wake a sweaty mess hours later. That was when I could hold his whole body in my arms. But now he is lanky and lean – long legs, long arms, a bundle of energy even while he sleeps.  He still cries out fast and furious when he needs me in the middle of the night.  But this morning? He wanted to cuddle. With me.

We cuddled in his bed for a little while, playing with his favorite stuffy Elly, talking and giggling, me struggling to keep my eyes open. He covered me up with his blanket and told me to relax with Elly while he got dressed.  I watched him, my little boy who isn’t so little any more.  His independence piercing my heart as he pulled out underwear and shorts, and climbed on his stepstool to get a shirt from his clost. For sure, he still needs me, and he is not grown yet.  The reasons are varied and many, but they are getting less noticeable as the days go on. He is tall and handsome and so smart and I know my cuddling days are numbered; they always have been with him.

But this morning, we cuddled and talked.  And then we went to the big bed and relaxed and watched Discovery Kids shows.  Later today he will push my buttons, be threatened with time-outs and generally be an almost-five-year-old.  But this morning he was my baby again.