I am an amazing multitasker.  I can do a ton of things at once and do them well.  I grasp concepts of things easily (unless it’s mathematics) and I have a lot of common sense.  But, I’m also unrelentingly emotional about some things.   This whole situation with Maggie, for instance.  It has made me unable to multi-task. Unable to get simple things accomplished.  Unable to stop thinking about giving her up vs. possible rehabilitation/training.

I want to keep her.  But I want her to be a good dog. Well-behaved, doesn’t bite, doesn’t bark at the same people whom we welcome into our home over and over, doesn’t bark at the same lady and her dogs that walk by, without fail, twice every single day.  I want her to be my companion, fabulous with my kids, trustworthy and smart.  I want her to come when I call and not jump or be obnoxious.  I want her to stay off the counters and not eat wipes.  I want to watch her splash in the water and run around like an idiot in the rain because she is a water dog.

What I don’t want is the threat, the mere idea, of her biting either a stranger or one of my kids, or anyone, for that matter.  I want to know that when someone comes to the house and we tell her it’s ok that she will stop barking and growling and trust us.

I want her to be the reincarnation of my old dog.  She’s not. She’s very intelligent, but not a good listener.  She has to be muzzled at the vet.  She barks when she sees people while she is in the car.  She always wants to be right in your face, and she likes to nibble ears.  At first I thought this was just an odd thing, but now I wonder if the risk of her biting was right in front of us all along.

She is a breed known for being protective and intelligence and hunting ability.  Her breed is one that is ‘not for everyone’ due to these same qualities.  Perhaps it’s not so much that she’s not the breed for us, but that we’re not the family for her.

I feel like I’ve failed her.  It has taken me a long time to really love her, as the dorkdog was mine and she really started out as Mike’s.  And Matt has started to show an interest in her as well.  But the reasons to keep her are completely outweighed by the fear of her biting someone else and really hurting them.

We’re making arrangements for her to go to the breeder this week for a couple of weeks.  They have offered to evaluate her – they were shocked when we told them she bit a child. It’s entirely possible that we won’t be bringing her back home.  I’ve cried a lot of tears over this dog. This beautiful brown dog with hazel eyes and an extra licky tongue.  This dog we call dumb and doofus; Maggie-doodle, Doodlebop, Mag-EH!, mags, maggsy, magsta-rahna, magster, magstar.  This dog that I finally let into my heart.