Well, shit.

February 20, 2008 · 10 comments

Got the news last night that Ryan is going to need chemo and/or radiation.  The tumor is stage(?) 3 and blah blah blah, medical term, medical term, medical blah blah.  {There is a major issue with hearing things 3rd, 4th, 5th person removed from the actual doctor-patient conversation.}.  It’s not even worth a google/mayo clinic/web md search because there are (a) over 120 kinds of brain tumors and (b) every patient is so different it’s worse imagining.

He was actually released from the hospital last night, and although dreading the stay with his parents, is doing alright.  My cousin’s wife (Ryan’s brother’s wife), has the same feeling I do about the pessimistic attitude of our family, and we’re very much afraid that it is going to negatively impact his treatment. We’re trying to be very encouraging about it – yes, it’s cancer, but he’s still here and can fight it. He’s young. He’s strong and healthy (you know, except for the whole brain tumor thing). There is treatment and we’re here to support him and do whatever he needs. I hope that instead of being a horrible experience, that maybe his dad can learn a little about faith and optimism and hope and the magic of positive energy.  Of course, he’s not my son, so it’s a hell of a lot easier for me to be positive!

—————-

Matt has finally either noticed or it’s just clicked in that Riley is no longer with us. For the past 3 days he’s been crying and sobbing that he misses Fooby.  At first, those big brown eyes swimming in tears, wet tracks down his little cheeks was breaking my heart.  Last night he sat in my lap and we cried together. By this evening, I was starting to get a little annoyed – not that he misses the dog, but that I can’t do anything about it! He wants another puppy “just like Fooby”. Yeah, uh, he was a mutt from the humane society and no one ever figured out his mix. How exactly am I going to find a dog just like him?? Not gonna happen.  And is another puppy going to make things better or worse? I mean half the time he runs screaming from Maggie because she wants to lick him! Ugh.

This pretty much sucks. I’m having a little photo book made (not fast enough) for him to be able to look at. But I’m guessing that he’s just going to look at it and moan “Ohhhh, I miss Foooooby!!”  I was really hoping that by his not saying much at first that we were going to slide right through this parenting dilemma , but Nooooooo, twas not to be.

Trying to be compassionate and comforting, but it’s hard. Any words of wisdom, oh blogging friends?

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

alejna February 20, 2008 at 4:35 pm

I\'m sorry to hear that your cousin\'s situation looks worse than expected, and that family members are being pessimistic. I\'ll try to send along positive thoughts.

As for Matt missing your puppy, that\'s hard. Grief is a hard thing to work through at any age. Have you had any sort of ceremony or ritual for Riley? Maybe planning and being part of an event might help channel Matt\'s grief.

We meant to plant a tree in memory of our puppy, but haven\'t yet. I hope we still will some day.

Reply

pgoodness February 20, 2008 at 5:05 pm

Thanks. We\'re planning on planting a tree in the spring – if it ever gets here! I definitely think that will help and he\'s also making drawings of him and looking at pictures, so I know it\'s just a matter of time, but he IS my sensitive one.

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liv February 20, 2008 at 5:37 pm

oh, girl, sending you all lots of love and prayers. xoxo

Reply

alejna February 20, 2008 at 10:35 pm

I’m sorry to hear that your cousin’s situation looks worse than expected, and that family members are being pessimistic. I’ll try to send along positive thoughts.

As for Matt missing your puppy, that’s hard. Grief is a hard thing to work through at any age. Have you had any sort of ceremony or ritual for Riley? Maybe planning and being part of an event might help channel Matt’s grief.

We meant to plant a tree in memory of our puppy, but haven’t yet. I hope we still will some day.

Reply

pgoodness February 20, 2008 at 11:05 pm

Thanks. We’re planning on planting a tree in the spring – if it ever gets here! I definitely think that will help and he’s also making drawings of him and looking at pictures, so I know it’s just a matter of time, but he IS my sensitive one.

Reply

liv February 20, 2008 at 11:37 pm

oh, girl, sending you all lots of love and prayers. xoxo

Reply

Above Average Joe February 21, 2008 at 6:24 am

Take him to the pound and let him pick one himself. Maybe one will catch his eye that looks nothing like Riley.

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Tabatha February 21, 2008 at 6:31 am

Prayers for your cousin. I am so sorry he has to go through this. I will keep him and your family in my prayers. As for Matt, poor fella. Maybe he thought Riley was just at the vet and would be coming home, but now obviously he sees that isnt the case. I dont think a \"new\" dog would help much because then you get the \"Riley didnt do that.\" and such. And the whole training a new one and all! BLAH! lol.. Maybe the picture book and him drawing will be his therapy.

Reply

Above Average Joe February 21, 2008 at 12:24 pm

Take him to the pound and let him pick one himself. Maybe one will catch his eye that looks nothing like Riley.

Reply

Tabatha February 21, 2008 at 12:31 pm

Prayers for your cousin. I am so sorry he has to go through this. I will keep him and your family in my prayers. As for Matt, poor fella. Maybe he thought Riley was just at the vet and would be coming home, but now obviously he sees that isnt the case. I dont think a “new” dog would help much because then you get the “Riley didnt do that.” and such. And the whole training a new one and all! BLAH! lol.. Maybe the picture book and him drawing will be his therapy.

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