rollercoaster

December 10, 2007 · 14 comments

I’ve been absent here for a little bit. I have all sorts of things I want to blog about, but I’m trying to figure out where it fits into my day and lack of hours.  It’s like my lists of things I have to do and want to do keep growing exponentially and I am having trouble with what matters most.  Perhaps if I made a list of things I have to do, I could allow myself something I want to do once something is accomplished.

Or I could stop sleeping.

At the base of my mountain of problems, issues and other, is my office.  I’m still having difficulties there and my first instinct is to run away and hide, ignoring it.  But I know that doesn’t work, so I do a bit of procrastinating here and there, don’t make it a priority, and then it gets worse and makes my stomach hurt.  I need to make it a priority, but when it comes to finding time to work, I feel guilty. Mike always says if I have to work, then I have to work, but when the kids are up and he just gets home from his day at work, I can’t seem to do it. For awhile I was doing really well with being fully present at work at work, and at home when at home, but I can’t get everything done in one day; I need to work at home, too, and I haven’t been.  When I sit down to work, I have to do it for a long time, so inevitably, I get the what are you doing, why are you still working, are you going to be done soon. And the whole circle of family vs. work guilt sucks me in.   And besides that, I look around the house and can’t figure out when the heck I’m supposed to fit work in, anyway.  The house is constantly a mess.  Dishes. Laundry (dude, you should see the pile!). General messiness. (I spent 20 minutes cleaning up while the boys were in the tub and the playroom floor is still barely visible).  And please, please, don’t get me started on exercising.  How the hell am I supposed to make time to exercise when I can’t get everything else done? Yes, my health is more important than the dishes being done, but for how long? One day of not doing dishes is absurdly overwhelming.  And my plan to do a load of laundry every day isn’t working, because I never have enough time to get ALL of it done.

I can’t do it all.  My super-mama powers are fading fast and I just can’t do it all.  And the worst part? The holidays have nothing to do with it.

Today, Matt & I spent some alone time together – we ran out and had breakfast and did some shopping while Mike and Preston slept in.  We came home to the two of them still in their pjs and lounging around, Mike fighting some sinus issues.  So I decided to make it fun day. Matt and I did scrapbooking and hung out together; I didn’t clean or do laundry or dishes or anything.  As the afternoon wore on, it became painfully obvious that I would have to go to the grocery store, so I did.  And then it was over.  I had to clean up. Had to.  But I didn’t start laundry and I didn’t do dishes. So guess what I’m doing tomorrow??

Here’s what I have to do tomorrow:

  • Write and take my dad’s check to the office
  • Take various boxes of decorations from office to storage
  • Get space heaters from storage and take back to the office
  • Get postcard stamps and take to office
  • Do laundry – including sheets and blankets
  • Dishes
  • Finish cleaning the playroom so we can find the floor
  • Take Matt to preschool
  • Pick Matt up from preschool
  • Get some work done
    • Pay bills (rent! taxes! shi*t)
    • Insurance claims
    • GM mailer – design postcard

That’s what I have to do. Perhaps if I focus on that list only, I’ll be a little less overwhelmed.  Of course, that list doesn’t take into account the usual stuff – playing with the boys, feeding the boys, showering, dressing, letting dogs in and out, changing diapers, helping the boys…. that’s where the extra whelming comes from…the regular stuff plus the list.

So what am I doing now?  Nothing. Blogging.  Should be sleeping…could be working….

Sometimes I get so tired of the shoulds and the coulds and have-tos.  If I were a stress non-eater, I’d be below my perfect weight.

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

flutter December 9, 2007 at 6:57 pm

should and could are logical fallacies, both rate high on the bullshitometer, and therefore are stricken from your future thoughts.

so there.

Reply

flutter December 10, 2007 at 1:57 am

should and could are logical fallacies, both rate high on the bullshitometer, and therefore are stricken from your future thoughts.

so there.

Reply

Michelle December 10, 2007 at 1:06 am

Oh I hate that you feel so overwhelmed, but might I add it\'s nice to know you\'re human too? For years I\'ve wondered how you do it all, and now I see that it\'s just as much a struggle over there as it is here. I don\'t envy you, and the best advice (and I SWEAR by it) is when you don\'t know what else to do, take a nap. Snuggle up with the boys for even 20 minutes and doze off. After that, the world seems a little more doable. In the meantime. Hang in there cuz!! I\'m feeling for you BIG TIME!!!!!!

Reply

phenom December 10, 2007 at 2:05 am

Well, two of your listed items are done before you even get up!

Mother Nature decided to give Shoo the day off, courtesy of the icy roads and such.

Reply

liv December 10, 2007 at 4:16 am

can\'t do it all? honey?!?! you\'re still trying?? (passes out on floor) being superwoman is overrated.

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Michelle December 10, 2007 at 8:06 am

Oh I hate that you feel so overwhelmed, but might I add it’s nice to know you’re human too? For years I’ve wondered how you do it all, and now I see that it’s just as much a struggle over there as it is here. I don’t envy you, and the best advice (and I SWEAR by it) is when you don’t know what else to do, take a nap. Snuggle up with the boys for even 20 minutes and doze off. After that, the world seems a little more doable. In the meantime. Hang in there cuz!! I’m feeling for you BIG TIME!!!!!!

Reply

phenom December 10, 2007 at 9:05 am

Well, two of your listed items are done before you even get up!

Mother Nature decided to give Shoo the day off, courtesy of the icy roads and such.

Reply

Patty H December 10, 2007 at 6:15 am

Girl! You are trying so hard to do it all and (from one who used to and still has inclinations to be somewhat of a perfectionist) it\'s just not worth the stress! I agree about taking a nap but when I do that I don\'t want to get back up since I\'m sleep deprived as it is:) So, you know I work from home and I run all over the place taking Hannah to gym and karate and choir practice and whatever else is going on at the moment. My house is never very clean but I get to it whenever I can or when it\'s absolutely unbearable. And since opening the new store I\'ve been behind on all my paperwork. Yesterday I spent most of the day in my office and Hannah had to entertain herself. I know your boys are young so you have to help keep them busy but there\'s nothing wrong with them learning that there is work to be done. You don\'t deprive them of family time so they won\'t think you are a workaholic. You have to do what you need to for your business and your family and you can balance it. It might be challenging but it can be done. Keep that to do list and check things off as you get them done. What you don\'t get done today you put on the list for tomorrow. Believe me, I struggle with the same thing and people think I\'m doing it all but I\'m no superwoman and I don\'t pretend to be. Hang in there!!

Reply

Shine December 10, 2007 at 8:16 am

Don\'t worry about doing it all- no one can!! I washed my floor for the first time in about 6 weeks the other day. SICK SICK SICK!! What can you do though?? You do the best you can and be satisfied with that for now, things will calm down and you will have time to do the other things eventually. Work though, not sure how to figure that one out. Pick a day to be there and stick to it!

Otherwise, relax and enjoy the time with your boys, soon enough they\'ll be in school all day or will want to do other things than hang out with mommy!

Reply

liv December 10, 2007 at 11:16 am

can’t do it all? honey?!?! you’re still trying?? (passes out on floor) being superwoman is overrated.

Reply

Patty H December 10, 2007 at 1:15 pm

Girl! You are trying so hard to do it all and (from one who used to and still has inclinations to be somewhat of a perfectionist) it’s just not worth the stress! I agree about taking a nap but when I do that I don’t want to get back up since I’m sleep deprived as it is:) So, you know I work from home and I run all over the place taking Hannah to gym and karate and choir practice and whatever else is going on at the moment. My house is never very clean but I get to it whenever I can or when it’s absolutely unbearable. And since opening the new store I’ve been behind on all my paperwork. Yesterday I spent most of the day in my office and Hannah had to entertain herself. I know your boys are young so you have to help keep them busy but there’s nothing wrong with them learning that there is work to be done. You don’t deprive them of family time so they won’t think you are a workaholic. You have to do what you need to for your business and your family and you can balance it. It might be challenging but it can be done. Keep that to do list and check things off as you get them done. What you don’t get done today you put on the list for tomorrow. Believe me, I struggle with the same thing and people think I’m doing it all but I’m no superwoman and I don’t pretend to be. Hang in there!!

Reply

moosh in indy. December 10, 2007 at 11:56 am

Blech.
Do your to do list and take a nap.
Hug your kid.
To do lists blow.
xoxo

Reply

Shine December 10, 2007 at 3:16 pm

Don’t worry about doing it all- no one can!! I washed my floor for the first time in about 6 weeks the other day. SICK SICK SICK!! What can you do though?? You do the best you can and be satisfied with that for now, things will calm down and you will have time to do the other things eventually. Work though, not sure how to figure that one out. Pick a day to be there and stick to it!

Otherwise, relax and enjoy the time with your boys, soon enough they’ll be in school all day or will want to do other things than hang out with mommy!

Reply

moosh in indy. December 10, 2007 at 6:56 pm

Blech.
Do your to do list and take a nap.
Hug your kid.
To do lists blow.
xoxo

Reply

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