scabars, not sleeping & growing up

September 17, 2007 · 20 comments

While making dinner tonight, Mike was chatting with Matt about potential allowance for helping set the table every night. Matt was beginning negotiations, with little to no understanding of what a dollar really is and Mike was trying not to laugh.  A minute later, Mike said something like “I don’t want him to get big anymore”.  And I laughed a little and asked if it was just hitting him and he nodded and said yes.  Immediately, I got a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.  Just knowing that he was a little emotional about our little boy growing up so fast got to me.  I know, everyone laments their baby(s) growing up too fast, but now that Matt is in Preschool, he seems to be changing and growing faster than ever.  This morning? He was picking up the playroom and asked me to help him!  And this afternoon, when Mike picked him up from school? He was picking up a puzzle he had been playing with!!

Don’t get me wrong, that’s all GOOD stuff, but just one more step in his needing us less and less.  All those little things add up pretty quick.  Four sure is turning out to be interesting, to say the least.

Mike was out enjoying a cigar and Matt was hanging out on the deck with him, both listening to and watching the Tiger game through the windows.  As darkness started to fall, Matt says “Dad, are you almost done with your scabar?” (pronounced SKUH-BAR)  :lol:  Damn cute, my boy is!

Ok, so I think I give up.  Preston is still getting into bed with us every night (minus those 2, non-consecutive, miracle-like nights that he stayed in his own bed ALL night long).  And he’s getting more restless, which is making me more restless.  Combined with the fact that he is shoving me off my own bed and kicking me, I’m not getting very good quality or quantity of sleep these days.  And that, in turn, is making me cranky.  And, well, tired.  So, I’m looking for advice, words of wisdoms, books, links, miracles…anything that might allow us a nice, easy transition.  BUT, there are a couple of issues:

  1. When he’s upset, P will cry himself into a puking frenzy, so the whole “crying it out” thing doesn’t work.
  2. Sitting with him in his room doesn’t help when he starts to panic. He wants out, and then, see #1
  3. He can fall asleep on his own, and he does like his bed and his room.

Issue #1 is probably what got us bringing him to our bed  in the first place.  And it’s what keeps us bringing him back.  <sigh>

Any ideas appreciated.  The less trauma, the better.  😀

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

jen September 17, 2007 at 3:59 pm

i have no ideas (sorry, but i am useless at parenting) but i adore your man right now.

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jen September 17, 2007 at 10:59 pm

i have no ideas (sorry, but i am useless at parenting) but i adore your man right now.

Reply

tabba September 18, 2007 at 7:41 am

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
We went through this when Gracie turned 2. We basically had to just ride it out.

How sweet of Phenom (er, Mike). Gotta love these Poppa\'s. They are just so important in the dev. of our wee ones.

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phenom September 18, 2007 at 8:20 am

Actually I got a little garlic in my eye. I was making garlic bread, ya see, and it like, splashed up. Or something… Hey look, a birdie!

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Shine September 18, 2007 at 11:38 am

Scabar, LOL, that is too funny! Love our little men!

As for the sleeping part, I\'m at a loss. You know me, I am the sleep NAZI. I would clean up the puke and put him back to bed. How many times could he throw up? And how long would he cry before falling asleep? It\'s all up to how much you can stand- you are not a bad parent for NEEDING restful sleep. He will not be scarred for life if you set these boundaries. I\'ve already faced my kids will need therapy before they\'re teenagers, so what\'s one more thing to add to the list? 🙂

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tabba September 18, 2007 at 2:41 pm

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.
We went through this when Gracie turned 2. We basically had to just ride it out.

How sweet of Phenom (er, Mike). Gotta love these Poppa’s. They are just so important in the dev. of our wee ones.

Reply

phenom September 18, 2007 at 3:20 pm

Actually I got a little garlic in my eye. I was making garlic bread, ya see, and it like, splashed up. Or something… Hey look, a birdie!

Reply

amanda September 18, 2007 at 3:37 pm

Briar was a bedtime, tantruming puker too. I don\'t think there was ever a magic bullet, we just eventually got there. Though I will say we do slow lotion circles on her back just before we leave her room each night.

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Shine September 18, 2007 at 6:38 pm

Scabar, LOL, that is too funny! Love our little men!

As for the sleeping part, I’m at a loss. You know me, I am the sleep NAZI. I would clean up the puke and put him back to bed. How many times could he throw up? And how long would he cry before falling asleep? It’s all up to how much you can stand- you are not a bad parent for NEEDING restful sleep. He will not be scarred for life if you set these boundaries. I’ve already faced my kids will need therapy before they’re teenagers, so what’s one more thing to add to the list? 🙂

Reply

amanda September 18, 2007 at 10:37 pm

Briar was a bedtime, tantruming puker too. I don’t think there was ever a magic bullet, we just eventually got there. Though I will say we do slow lotion circles on her back just before we leave her room each night.

Reply

Tabatha September 19, 2007 at 3:20 am

Alexis was like that. It ended up that we brought her toddler bed and set it up beside our bed in the room… She was ok then because she was beside us. It was like that for about 1 year (meanwhile we got all hopes up about her own room and made her room into an office) One day out of the blue she looked at Jason and said \"Dad, clean this stuff out and put my bed in my room, I am a big girl now.\" Ever since she sleeps in her own room.. Except sometimes she wants to sleep in our bed, and when I say no, she falls asleep in her bed, but in the morning I find her on the couch! lol… And now if at night she wants in my room when I am asleep, since she knows I wont let her, she doesnt wake me, she makes a pallet beside my bed and sleeps on my floor! These hard headed kids! 😉

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Flutter September 19, 2007 at 4:38 am

I have nothing to add, really just know I think your boys are adorable

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Tabatha September 19, 2007 at 10:20 am

Alexis was like that. It ended up that we brought her toddler bed and set it up beside our bed in the room… She was ok then because she was beside us. It was like that for about 1 year (meanwhile we got all hopes up about her own room and made her room into an office) One day out of the blue she looked at Jason and said “Dad, clean this stuff out and put my bed in my room, I am a big girl now.” Ever since she sleeps in her own room.. Except sometimes she wants to sleep in our bed, and when I say no, she falls asleep in her bed, but in the morning I find her on the couch! lol… And now if at night she wants in my room when I am asleep, since she knows I wont let her, she doesnt wake me, she makes a pallet beside my bed and sleeps on my floor! These hard headed kids! 😉

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Flutter September 19, 2007 at 11:38 am

I have nothing to add, really just know I think your boys are adorable

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liv September 19, 2007 at 1:54 pm

I\'ve always been pretty hard core about bedtime. I just am one of those people who desperately needs \'Mommy Time.\' I would try progressively moving him out of your bed. First, to a little pallet beside the bed, then to his room with the door open, etc… I have also heard of putting up a baby gate across his room so that the door is open and you are accessible to him, but he knows you are serious about him staying. My (callous?) opinion would be that he isn\'t really afraid, but is tantruming because it works. He has a formula to get what he wants—and who doesn\'t want to snuggle with Mom all night?! I don\'t necessarily believe in crying it out, but remember thinking that Super Nanny had some good ideas. You might have a few rough nights, but stick to your guns. hth.

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liv September 19, 2007 at 8:54 pm

I’ve always been pretty hard core about bedtime. I just am one of those people who desperately needs ‘Mommy Time.’ I would try progressively moving him out of your bed. First, to a little pallet beside the bed, then to his room with the door open, etc… I have also heard of putting up a baby gate across his room so that the door is open and you are accessible to him, but he knows you are serious about him staying. My (callous?) opinion would be that he isn’t really afraid, but is tantruming because it works. He has a formula to get what he wants—and who doesn’t want to snuggle with Mom all night?! I don’t necessarily believe in crying it out, but remember thinking that Super Nanny had some good ideas. You might have a few rough nights, but stick to your guns. hth.

Reply

Michelle September 21, 2007 at 7:18 am

Ultimately you guys need to come up with a plan. Whether stay by the bed, doing the gentle move out, whatever! Come up with a plan, decide what you\'ll do if you have set backs, (er throw up tantrum) and proceed. As long as you set a plan, with a goal, and you both follow it, it will happen. But you have to go through with it. Consistency is key!! …. okay, off my soap box now… good luck and as always keep us posted!!

Reply

Michelle September 21, 2007 at 2:18 pm

Ultimately you guys need to come up with a plan. Whether stay by the bed, doing the gentle move out, whatever! Come up with a plan, decide what you’ll do if you have set backs, (er throw up tantrum) and proceed. As long as you set a plan, with a goal, and you both follow it, it will happen. But you have to go through with it. Consistency is key!! …. okay, off my soap box now… good luck and as always keep us posted!!

Reply

Dawn September 29, 2007 at 7:20 am

Check this site out (http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/) and search for sleep – LOTS of people are in your boat, and LOTS of people have ideas that might or might not work – but at least you\'ll know you aren\'t alone. Personally I\'m a fan of just moving the bed or mattress into your room, but that\'s just me.

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Dawn September 29, 2007 at 2:20 pm

Check this site out (http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/) and search for sleep – LOTS of people are in your boat, and LOTS of people have ideas that might or might not work – but at least you’ll know you aren’t alone. Personally I’m a fan of just moving the bed or mattress into your room, but that’s just me.

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